Silverwater
by Zmedlebum
Summary: COMPLETED! His seventh year at Hogwarts was an absolute nightmare. But on top of all his troubles, the unthinkable happened. What Harry did next brought him to Silverwater, a mental institution.
1. Chapter One: Normality And My Lack Of It

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter and co. A woman with killer cheekbones does instead. This goes for the other chapters too.  
  
**Chapter One – Normality and My Lack of It**  
  
It was only when I lied in bed, observing mould on the ceiling that I actually felt at peace. I rid myself of all thought and emotion and then a blissful period of stasis followed. My waking life was utter turmoil. It wasn't what you would call a 'normal' life. What was normal?  
  
I'm a wizard first and foremost – anything BUT normal, as my 'dear' Uncle Vernon liked to point out. Secondly, I'm Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived and The Boy Who Lived Again when Voldemort fell to my sword.   
  
While I may sound arrogant and 'Malfoy-esque' to you, Voldemort was defeated because of me. Well, I had help from the Order of the Phoenix of course. But if you narrowed it down to the bare details, he was killed because I killed him. It was a tedious story, really. I was kidnapped somehow by one of Voldemort's cronies during a Hogsmeade visit in my seventh year. Skip a few days and he was killed by me. Whatever happened in between was not really important.   
  
I lived in Silverwater in London for two months. No, Silverwater was not a Muggle housing development but it was a mental institution for wizards and witches. Technically, it was a mental correctional facility for volunteer patients but to me it was a mental asylum for the clinically deranged. I was one of them.   
  
I was clinically deranged ever since Ron, Hermione and Remus Lupin threw me in there like used tissue. One blow and I was amongst the garbage. The reason I was 'volunteered' was because they 'volunteered' me. If I had it my way, I wouldn't have ended up in there.  
  
You may have found me in the Joseph Heller Ward for adolescent patients. The committed patients (the criminally insane and committed) were admitted to Burwood in Scotland and those whose brains had been addled by magic were at St Mungo's (bless the Longbottoms).  
  
I remembered my first day there like it was yesterday. It was September the third, two days after the new school term commenced. I had graduated the year before with abysmal examination results. The only reason why I was allowed to graduate was because I actually passed. However, with my marks there was no way in hell that I was going to become an Auror.  
  
The previous year had been chaotic for me. Upon boarding the Hogwarts Express that year I knew even within the recesses of my mind that I would not have an uneventful year. In the end it turned out that I was right. While juggling school and Quidditch, I had to come to terms with Voldermort wanting my head on a silver platter, messy mop top, glasses and all. Also, I had to deal with my girlfriend's untimely death.  
  
Ginny could have died from a myriad of possibilities, just like every other person. Being a witch, she could have died like Luna Lovegood's mother did. By having both parents and many brothers in the Order of the Phoenix she could have been murdered by Lord Voldemort or by many of his followers. Also, being a Weasley, she could have been eaten alive by a Malfoy. Instead, Ginny Weasley was taken away from us by means of leukaemia.  
  
The diagnosis was made in the very late stages of the illness and she died two weeks later, with family and friends by her side. Ginny had been sick for a long time. I didn't know how long but she was sick and Mrs Weasley tried various magical techniques in order to relieve her of pain. They had worked but only temporarily. They tried almost every magical remedy under the sun until Mr Weasley finally convinced her mother to take her to a Muggle doctor.  
  
Needless to say, the remaining Weasleys were shattered by her death, especially Bill and Ron. To Bill, Ginny was like his little pet. To Ron, she was a close companion; their closeness stemmed further than the standard brother and sister relationship.  
  
From Ginny's death, everything went downhill. It was clichéd and melodramatic but it was true. However, I didn't just 'crack'. I did something that brought me to shame … and brought me here.  
  
A combination of Ginny's death, Lord Voldemort's wrath and the fact that I had been quite lonely for the most part of my life lead to my ultimate demise. All of these factors contributed as to why I stood outside in the rain on the morning of September the third armed with my suitcase in one hand and my wand in the other. Mr Weasley and Remus both tried to coerce me to enter Silverwater, but I stood rooted on the spot as the rain poured down from the sky, down my back and down my trousers.  
  
When I finally did walk inside, a blond, chipper nurse rushed in, took my suitcase and tried to pry the wand out of my grip. "It's Silverwater policy," she informed me. "Patients are not allowed to be in possession of a wand."  
  
That was four weeks ago.  
  
I wondered why I couldn't just go to a normal Muggle mental institution but Dr Bell told me that as a wizard, my brain worked differently to that of Muggles. Hence, we do not respond to Muggle treatment and therapy. Instead of pills and injections we took potions and I took a sleeping potion almost every night.  
  
That was why I was cooped up in that place for two months. Not that there was anything wrong with being in a mental institution. They were great for those who genuinely needed it. At the beginning, I believed that it wasn't for me.  
  
My admission to Silverwater had turned me into a vindictive, cynical and sadistic man who had had enough of the world. I was only eighteen at the time. After the death of my mother, my father, my godfather and my girlfriend, it was safe to assume that I wouldn't have been happy. I was only eighteen and already the world through my eyes was living hell.  
  
"Mr Potter, are you ready to begin?"  
  
And I believed that it was only going to get worse.  
  


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PLease review  
Next Chapter: For My Own Good. 


	2. Chapter Two: For My Own Good

Chapter Two – For My Own Good  
  
Dr Bell sat behind her desk and drummed her fingers on its surface as she peered at me through the top of her wire-framed glasses.  
  
"As ready as I'll ever be, I guess," I replied.  
  
"Good … now, you have been here for almost a month now, and yet I see no progress."  
  
"And …" I said.  
  
"Well," she said, "don't you think it's about time that we saw some development?"  
  
"I dunno, you tell me."   
  
"Mr. Potter -."   
  
"Sorry," I said insincerely.  
  
Dr Bell readjusted her glasses and cleared her throat audibly. "Okay, I wanted to begin this session by talking about your friends and family."  
  
"What do you want to know?" I asked in a low voice. I wasn't keen on participating in this session, just like every other time.  
  
"Just tell me a little about them."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It is part of the developmental process," Dr Bell replied briskly.   
  
"That's your answer to everything," I said monotonously.   
  
"Well, it's the truth."  
  
"I don't see it that way."  
  
"Why are you making this difficult?" Dr Bell reprimanded me. "I'm asking you to perform a simple task and yet you refuse to do it."  
  
"Fine! You want to here about my family? Voldemort killed them so instead Dumbledore sent me to two people who are useless excuses for human beings, if I ever saw any. They screwed me over. Is that what you wanted to hear?"   
  
"Mr Potter," Dr Bell sighed. "I'd appreciate it if you co-operated with me. I'm here to help you develop mentally."   
  
"You're here because it's a job," I said.  
  
"You know that's not what I am here for?" Dr Bell said. "This is ridiculous! You've been in Silverwater for a month and all I know about you is that you're Harry Potter, who defeated You Know Who."  
  
"And that's all you'll ever know."  
  
"The longer you be uncooperative the longer you will stay here at Silverwater."  
  
"You wouldn't," I said as my eyes narrowed into slits.  
  
"Try me," she shot back in a stern voice.  
  
"Technically, I'm a volunteer patient, despite the fact that I sure as hell don't feel like one," I challenged her. "I can leave any time within reason"  
  
"You may leave when your time is up and if I say you are fit to go," Dr Bell said.   
  
I didn't say anything after this, as there wasn't anything else to say. She had the last word and I knew it. Instead I sat back, folded my arms across my chest and blew a tuft of hair out of my eyes.  
  
Dr Bell wrenched her bottom drawer open and rummaged through its contents. Finally, she fished out a few cards. She was going to do the ink blot test.   
  
"Have you heard of the Inkblot test?" she asked.   
  
"Of course," I replied. Good god! Did she think I was stupid?  
  
"Good. Now, tell me what you see." She held up one card in front of my face. Predictably, the card had two huge inkblots sprawled on it.   
  
"Inkblots," I replied sarcastically.   
  
Dr Bell's eyebrows furrowed in the middle, which gave her otherwise youthful appearance some ancient elasticity.   
  
"Do you know the purpose of this test?" she asked.   
  
"It's an examination of my perspective," I replied.  
  
"Yes," said Dr Bell. "Now, do it properly. What do you see?"  
  
"Inkblots," I repeated.  
  
"As far as I know you are supposed to form a picture out of these inkblots."  
  
"That wouldn't be what I see – that would be what I THINK I see."  
  
"Alright, tell me what you THINK you see?"  
  
"I think I see inkblots made possibly by a person or printed using a Muggle printer," I replied. "However, I do think that they were done manually considering that the magical population are not really familiar with Muggle technology. Well, at least that's what I THINK I see."   
  
"Mr Potter, this is not helping me, nor is it helping you!"  
  
"Do you want to know what I think?" I asked.   
  
"What?"  
  
"I shouldn't be here," I replied. "I should be at home in MY bed. Not THIS place!"  
  
"You know as well as I do that being here is for you own good," said Dr Bell calmly. "If you really wanted my professional opinion on this, throughout your life you were depressed. I know that it may have been by default, due to the many losses in your life. However, you're the type that tends to bottle most feelings and emotions. Even when it doesn't seem that way, you're not letting all emotions stray lose. There are some hidden within cavities of your mind. Now, do you believe me when I say that being here is for your own good?"  
  
The thing I hated about her was that she spoke as long-windedly as Percy Weasley.  
  
"No!" I cried. "Allow me to correct you if I may. Remus Lupin, Ron and Hermione and you believe that being here is for my own good. I don't think it's for my own good. As a matter of fact, the longer I stay here the crazier I become. Do you see the irony?" My rant gained momentum with every word. It was like I was a preacher delivering his sermon.  
  
"Mr Potter, I advise that you be quiet. We are wasting valuable time here."  
  
"I'm wasting time being here in the first place," I muttered angrily.  
  
"Being in one-to-one therapy?" Dr Bell asked.   
  
"Being in Silverwater," I said.   
  
"Mr Potter, if you keep doing this to yourself, you'll end up a psychological mess."   
  
"You know," I said as I got up. "For a magical psychiatrist, you're really dreadful." And with that, I left her office and made my way down to the Joseph Heller common room.   
  
Don't get me wrong, Dr Bell was a relatively nice person. She was young (only thirty one at the time) and could relate to the adolescents better than the other psychiatrists at Silverwater. However, there was something about her that I didn't like. Perhaps it was her superior manner. Perhaps it was her 'I think I know everything about you' attitude. Perhaps it was the mere fact that she was my psychiatrist. Then again, perhaps it was my arrogance and my state of denial.  
  
When I entered the Common Room, I was greeted by rather rambunctious yells … emitted by one person.   
  
"What's up?" Vasco cried as he clapped me on the back. He did this so hard that my knees almost buckled under the pressure. Ferdinand 'Vasco' Vasconcelos was well built like Viktor Krum, albeit bigger and black, so I wasn't surprised when he knocked me over when he wrapped his arms around my neck.   
  
"How was the appointment with Dr Bell?" he boomed.   
  
"Rotten, as usual," I replied as I swiped and apple from a nearby fruit bowl and held it in my hand. As I raised it to my mouth to take a bite, I heard a yell from my left. Jai Nagy came charging from the dining room towards me with a hand outstretched in front of him.  
  
"Don't!" he yelled. He swiped the apple from my hands.  
  
"Why did you do that for?" I cried.  
  
"Do you know how many micro-organisms reside in this apple alone?" he asked, pointing at the apple.  
  
"Jai," I said slowly, "there is nothing wrong with that apple."  
  
"I just saved your life," Jai said. "Those micro-organisms could have killed you."  
  
Vasco rolled his eyes towards the ceiling exasperatedly. "Jai, there are micro-organisms EVERYWHERE!"  
  
"No there isn't!" Jai protested. "How come I'm not dead?"  
  
"Because," Vasco began dryly, "those micro-organisms are harmless you dolt!"  
  
"Yeah, but they'll kill you slowly," said Jai.  
  
"Everyone dies in the end!"  
  
"Not if I can help it!"  
  
"Will you two SHUT UP?"  
  
Regan Zabini slammed her copy of The Iliad on the floor and emerged from her little corner of the room. "Stop your bickering!" she exclaimed. "You're giving me a migraine."   
  
"Hey Regan," I said quietly.   
  
Regan turned to me and her face brightened considerably. "Hey Harry," she chirped as she gave me a hug. "How was your session with Dr Bell?"  
  
"Rotten," I repeated for her.   
  
Regan smiled and nodded her head in assent, "Yeah, it does get like that, doesn't it?"  
  
"How come you're nice to him?" Vasco cried.   
  
"Because he's nice to me in return," Regan answered, glaring at him. "Which I cannot say for SOME people here."  
  
"It's not my fault you're a bitch on wheels," said Vasco as he stalked away. "Anyway, see ya Harry."  
  
"Yeah, bye," I said tiredly as I plonked myself down on the couch and grabbed a copy of an outdated version of The Quibbler. Vasco walked away and headed towards the kitchen for something to eat. Jai, on the other hand, threw my apple away and wiped his hands on his trousers, while Regan returned to her copy of The Iliad.   
  
If there was something I liked about Silverwater, it would have to be my fellow inmates in the Joseph Heller ward. I particularly got along well with Regan, who was Blaise Zabini's cousin and was meant to be in Ginny's year at Hogwarts. She was nice, despite being Sorted into Slytherin. I also got along well with Vasco, who was a Ravenclaw in Cho's year and was admitted to Silverwater due to his tendency to 'cut'. According to my observation, he seemed like the happiest person on earth. However, when I was admitted to Silverwater, he was already a patient for six weeks.  
  
I suddenly decided to give up on the article about another Crumple-Horned Snorcack sighting. I sighed, threw the magazine on the table and walked to my room.  
  
When I arrived I saw Ginny standing in the middle of the room, looking timid and scared.   
  
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Please review  
  
Next Chapter: Seeing Double  
  
A/N: Jai Nagy is pronounced 'Jy Naji'. 


	3. Chapter Three: Seeing Double

Chapter Three – Seeing Double  
  
My eyes bulged out of their sockets and my jaw dropped to the ground. Earlier, I believed that my dear Ginny was unfairly taken away from me. So you could imagine my shock when I found her standing right in front of me.  
  
However, Ginny stood there as tears poured silently down her face.   
  
"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "The nurse told me that this was my room, but I can see that it is already occupied."  
  
"That's okay," I said tentatively, "but there's not need to cry."  
  
"I'm sorry," she apologised once again as she wiped her face with her sleeve. "I'm not crying about the room. I'm crying about – about."  
  
Suddenly, 'Ginny' broke out in a wave of sobs as my heart plummeted. This was not Ginny Weasley. Ginny was relatively shy towards unknown people but she wasn't as timid as this girl. No, my Ginny was well and truly dead.  
  
"I'm sorry," the girl apologised again as she sobbed. "It's just that I shouldn't be here. My mum and dad-."  
  
"I know how you feel," I said. "But you learn to get used to it."  
  
"Sorry," she said once again (I almost tore my hair out in frustration. She didn't need to apologise to me so much.) "I didn't introduce myself. I'm Olivia Hunter, but you call me Liv."  
  
"I'm Harry-."  
  
"I know who you are," Liv interjected. "You're Harry Potter – are you not?"   
  
"Yeah," I replied morosely.  
  
"I'm really sorry about Ginny," she said. "I never really knew her. I was in the year below her in Hufflepuff. We may have looked alike but I never knew her. She seemed nice though."   
  
"She was," I replied as I dug my hands in my pockets and shuffled from foot to foot. "She was beautiful," I added softly.  
  
Liv smiled slightly and picked her suitcase up from the floor. "I guess I'm going to have to find my room-."  
  
"Hey!" Vasco cried through a mouthful of food before walking into the room. "You have to try this cake that Susie the cook made. It's so fu – well, hello there sweetness."  
  
Vasco bent down on one knee and kissed Liv's hand. Her cheeks flushed a deep scarlet colour and she bashfully turned away from him.   
  
"And why does this angel grace our earthly plain?" Vasco continued.  
  
"This is Liv Hunter," I replied. "I'm guessing she's a new patient here."  
  
Liv nodded in assent.  
  
"Well, it was nice to meet you Liv," said Vasco. He got up from the ground and wrung her arm rather enthusiastically. "I'm Vasco."  
  
"Nice to meet you, Vasco," said Liv apprehensively. As she did this, she looked at me, as though she wanted me to rescue her. "I don't mean to be rude," she continued, "but I have to find my room."  
  
"Oh – I can help you there. Harry, take her suitcase."  
  
I chuckled softly and took her suitcase from her hands. "Come on," I said as good heartedly as I could. "Let's roll."  
  
As we travelled down the many corridors which Silverwater had, with Liv trailing behind, Vasco leaned over and whispered into my ear:  
  
"Dang, Potter. She looks a lot like-."  
  
"Ginny, yes I know," I said sadly.  
  
"Is she anything like her?" he asked.  
  
"No," I replied. "Gin was feisty and had a zest for life. Liv however seemed perpetually depressed."  
  
"What do you think it will be like when you - you know …" said Vasco as he wriggled his eyebrows cheekily and nudged my ribs with his elbow. "Do you think she'd be up to Ginny's standards?"   
  
"What?" I snapped as I stopped abruptly in my tracks. Liv looked startled when she bumped into to me. "What are you implying?"  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Vasco.  
  
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted one nurse and then thrust Liv's suitcase at her chest.   
  
"There's a nurse. Why don't you ask her where your room is?"  
  
"Uh – okay," said Liv before scurrying away in the opposite direction, dragging her suitcase behind her.   
  
"What was that about?" Vasco cried,   
  
"What do you mean 'Ginny's standards'?" I asked.   
  
"Well, you're the only one who can tell us," Vasco replied. "I'm just asking whether you think Liv would be as good as Ginny in bed."   
  
I glared at him then turned on one foot and walked away in a huff.  
  
"Hey! Hey! Wait!" Vasco broke into a run and stopped me in my tracks. "Look, I'm sorry okay. It was inconsiderate of me and I take back whatever I said. I know Ginny was your first love, you told me yourself and her death, along with that garbage from You-Know-Who really messed things up for you." He stuck his hand out industriously. "Pals?"  
  
I smiled and shook his hand, "You're lucky I like you a lot," I laughed. "Otherwise I would have rearranged your face."  
  
"And make me as beautiful as Liv?" cooed Vasco. He then clapped his hands together and batted his eyelashes comically.   
  
"No," I replied. "I'll make you as beautiful as Jai."  
  
Suddenly, Vasco's face contorted in dear. "Please, bro – don't!"  
  
"You know," I laughed as I clapped his shoulder. "For someone who is supposed to be smart, you're bloody stupid. And for the record, I wouldn't know if Liv would be up to Ginny's standards because I never slept with Ginny."  
  
"You didn't sleep with her?"  
  
"We both wanted to wait until we were married," I said as I sighed sadly. "And …well, you know what happened next."  
  
"What about other girls you've slept with?" Vasco asked. "Do you think she'd be up to their standards?"  
  
"I wouldn't know," I replied. "I've never slept with anyone."  
  
"You're a VIRGIN?"  
  
"So what if I was?"  
  
"Oh man, that's screwed!"   
  
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Please review  
  
A/N: Liv is anything BUT a Mary-Sue. You'll see later in the story anyway. She's anything BUT perfect.  
  
Next chapter: My Reluctance to Reveal All 


	4. Chapter Four: My Reluctance To Reveal Al...

Chapter Four – My Reluctance to Reveal All  
  
The gardens of Silverwater were so well decorated that it was breathtaking. Being here was like heavenly bliss. The flower beds and the grass were very well tended for by Eyebrows the caretaker, thus keeping them looking very rich and vibrant in colour. Various water features also adorned the garden, releasing the soothing, relaxing (and urine-inducing) sound of running water, which gave the garden a heavenly atmosphere.   
  
Heavenly atmosphere? I must have been crazy.  
  
That morning my fellow inmates and I congregated underneath the beech tree with Dr Bell. She told all of us in the form of small memos much like the ones from the Ministry of Magic that we were to meet her there at ten o'clock sharp. Apparently she wanted to try something new.   
  
While we waited for Vasco to get out of bed, my eyes wandered all over the garden and then landed abruptly on the barbed-wire fence. That was when I was rudely reminded that there was no escaping Silverwater. Not only was it surrounded by a barb-wired fence but it was surrounded by jinxes so that like Hogwarts, you couldn't Apparate or Disapparate inside or out. Yep, there was no escaping Silverwater.   
  
"I'm here!"   
  
Vasco could be heard from a large distance as he approached our group with his fists pummelled in the air. "Vasco has entered the building."  
  
"Oh please!" Regan groaned, rolling her eyes. "Can you say the word 'twat'?" She ran a hand through her thick black hair in utter frustration.  
  
"Shut up Zabini," Vasco snapped before plonking himself down next to me. "If anyone's a twat, it's you."  
  
"Oh-."  
  
"Don't start this again!" Dr Bell cried. She raised her hands to stem of the flow of the argument. She then placed her hands on the clipboard and pulled a quill out of her pocket. I watched intently as she balanced it on its nib and waved her wand. The quill immediately began rushing from side to side.  
  
"Why don't you just buy a Quick Quotes Quill?" asked Regan.  
  
"This is a more accurate way of recording whatever we say," Dr Bell replied as she cast the parchment lengthening spell. "Now, welcome to the first Group Session. This method seemed to be working well in the William Mangold ward so I decided to try it with you lot. Since there aren't many of you I thought this would work rather effectively. Now, I'm going to go around the circle and pass this roll of toilet paper. I want you to take as much paper as you need as if you were actually going to the toilet. Do you understand?"   
  
Dr Bell dug into her pocket of her white coat and pulled out a roll of toilet paper. The roll was passed to Jai, Amelie Vega, Regan, Liv, Vasco and then finally me. Anybody who knew me would know that I would use liberal amounts of toilet paper. Thus, that was how much I took.   
  
"Excellent,' said Dr Bell. "Now, I want you to divide the toilet paper into squares."  
  
So we did.  
  
"Great. Now, using each square, I want to you state one fact about yourselves. If you have ten you then state ten facts, and so on."  
  
I had thirty squares.  
  
"Mr Vasconcelos, may we start with you?"  
  
"Okay … uh, my name is Vasco and I'm Muggleborn," Vasco stated each fact as he placed each toilet paper square on the grass in front of him. "One time I wanted to turn on the radio because I wanted to listen to some tunes … and then I realised that it was my shoe. That's all – Oh! And my cat is called Pickles."  
  
I swore I heard Regan say, 'Idiot' under her breath.   
  
"Thankyou Mr Vasconcelos," said Dr Bell. "Miss Hunter?"  
  
"Uh, okay. Um, my name is Olivia Hunter, but you can call me Liv. I'm sixteen years old and I'm supposed to be in sixth year but – well, as you can see I'm here. Uh, I'm a Hufflepuff and … uh … I live in Kent."  
  
Dr Bell nodded her head and turned to Regan.  
  
"My name is Regan Zabini, Hogwarts student in Slytherin house. I'm here in Silverwater because I set fire to my boyfriend's house and cat. I was named after one of King Lear's daughters in Shakespeare's play of the same name. My mother loved Muggle literature, despite being a Muggle hater."  
  
"Thankyou Miss Zabini," said Dr Bell. "You see, the purpose of this particular exercise is to explore avenues we hadn't come across before."  
  
"We already know this about each other," Regan said in a bored tone.  
  
"I didn't know you were named after Ronald Reagan," Vasco said.   
  
"I already knew you were bloody stupid!" Regan shot back. "It's not even pronounced the same way!"  
  
If Vasco was hurt by what she had said, he didn't show any signs of hurt feelings. He carried on as if everything was normal.  
  
"Thankyou Miss Zabini and Mr Vasconcelos. Miss Vega?"  
  
A shy, timid girl with chocolate eyes and olive skin looked up from the grass and began, "I'm Amelie Vega, Hogwarts student in Ravenclaw house. I'm supposed to be in sixth year … uh … I'm at Silverwater because I am a recovering anorexic with an extreme case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I like Muggle literature, Jane Austen in particular and I come from a South American background. My dad is Ecuadorian while my mother is from Chile. I'm also Muggleborn."  
  
"Thankyou Miss Vega."  
  
Uh oh, it was my turn to face the music.  
  
"Mr Nagy?"  
  
No, not yet.   
  
My eyes travelled to Jai, who was sitting on a large pile of blankets on the top of a collapsible chair.  
  
"The name is Jai Nagy. Everyone knows that I'm here because of my extreme fear of germs. I went to Beauxbatons on a scholarship but I grew up here. I finished school last year… and there's nothing more to know, I suppose. I'm as boring as drying paint."  
  
NOW it was time to face the music.  
  
"Mr Potter?"  
  
I took a deep breath and began; "My name is Harry Potter. I'm eighteen; I went to Hogwarts, I was in Gryffindor … uh …"   
  
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Vasco, Regan and Liv nod encouragingly.   
  
"Uh… my girlfriend's name is Ginny and ..."  
  
Suddenly, I threw the toilet paper squares on the ground, sprung to my feet and ran away in the opposite direction.  
  
"Er!" I heard Vasco bellow. "Don't be a chicken! So much for being a Gryffindor!"  
  
"Ferdinand!" Regan cried. "Shut up!"   
  
I ignored them. All my energy was focused on distancing myself from them as much as possible. I didn't care anymore.   
  
When I thought I was out of eyesight of them I heaved a sigh and sat against a large tree. A few moments later, I felt someone sit beside me.   
  
"Hi," said Liv softly. "What happened?"   
  
"I was being a prat, like usual," I replied.  
  
"You're not a prat," said Liv. "If word of mouth was anything to go by, you're everything but a prat."  
  
"Yeah," I grunted. "Well, they're only seeing the surface. What do they know?"  
  
I turned to Liv and examined her features. Like Ginny, she had vivid red hair, cute freckles across her nose and enchanting brown eyes. Unlike Ginny, Liv had a little beauty spot on her left cheek. Another difference was that Ginny was prettier – much prettier. Despite that, she reminded me of her so much that it made me realise how much I actually missed her.  
  
"Look," said Liv as she got up. "You must be starving. Let's go get something to eat.  
  
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Next chapter: A Revelation 


	5. Chapter Five: A Revelation

Chapter Five – A Revelation  
  
That afternoon Vasco and I lounged around in our room. Vasco had a battered quaffle and was playing with it. Meanwhile, I sat in my bed and rifled through the photo album that Hagrid compiled for me in my first year at Hogwarts.   
  
"What was up with you today?" Vasco asked. "Dr Bell went nuts."  
  
I paused for a minute and raised my eyebrows.  
  
"Well, not really, but you still freaked us out."  
  
"I'm sorry," I said, although I really didn't feel that way.  
  
"No matter," Vasco replied. "What are you looking at?"  
  
I shut my photo album and passed it to him. "They're photographs of my parents," I replied.   
  
Vasco relieved the leather bound tome from my hands and flicked through the pages, "It's no wonder you have a thing for red heads. You mother was one." He pointed at my mum on the photo of my parents' wedding day, with Sirius as the Best Man.  
  
"Well … it's part of it," I said. "But there was a time when I had a thing for Oriental women."  
  
"Oh yeah, Cho," said Vasco as he remembered. "I don't know WHAT you may have been thinkin', man. She was slightly pretty but she was a wh-."  
  
"Don't refer to anyone like that," I snapped. Even if it was only Cho, I didn't like it.   
  
"Sorry man," Vasco apologised. "Anywho, what was the deal with you running off like that?"  
  
"I had thirty squares of tissue."  
  
"So?"  
  
"I didn't want to reveal THAT much about myself."  
  
"Why not?" Vasco pressed on.  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because why?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Harry," Vasco said as he walked over and sat next to me on the bed. "You're going to have to learn not to bottle up your feelings and close yourself off to other people, because when you finally crack underneath all that pressure you'll explode and I'll be left cleaning your guts off the walls."  
  
If Vasco was trying to be funny, it wasn't working.   
  
"I have to admit," he continued, "When I came to Silverwater I was as nasty as the next Malfoy-."  
  
"You know Malfoy?" I asked.   
  
"Who doesn't?" Vasco replied. "Anyway, to save us from a bloody long lecture, what I'm really getting at is that Dr Bell is here to help you and all you're doing is being a cow to her."  
  
"She's the cow, not me."  
  
"She HAS to be harsh with you because if I were to be frank, you're being a right pain in the arse!"  
  
I was angry at Vasco then. Since when did he become so … Hermione-ish (albeit less eloquent, of course.)  
  
"Don't tell me what I am," I snapped. "I already feel low as it is. Why else do you think I'm in a mental institution?"  
  
"Correctional Facility Asylum," Vasco corrected me. "Anyway, I'm on the same boat as you, despite the fact that I am to be discharged soon. Hey, you will get through this." He wrapped one arm around my shoulders. "Look, I promise that when you are out in the big bad world with me again, I'll look out for you. Then you'll have me as well as Ron and Helena-."  
  
"Hermione," I corrected him. Vasco knew about Ron and Hermione through me, of course. Ron and Hermione, along with Ginny and the rest of the Weasleys, were all I ever spoke about.  
  
"Buddy, I know it sounds cheesy, but you're not alone."  
  
"They all hate me," I said angrily. I knew it wasn't true, but it just felt like the right thing to say at the time.  
  
"They don't hate you," Vasco contradicted me.  
  
"Then why do you think they chucked me in here?" I cried.  
  
"Because they love you and they want what's best for you. Goodness, Harry Potter. You're supposed to be relatively intelligent. Even the dumbest lemming can figure this out for themselves."  
  
"I still feel crap," I said.  
  
"If you keep telling me that you WILL be crap."  
  
"Yeah, thanks," I said sarcastically.   
  
"Look," Vasco said before resuming to play around with the quaffle that was falling apart at the seams, "do you really want to be here any longer? Get yourself together."  
  
"You know," I added on a brighter note. "You're sort of … smart. Why do you play the dumb act?"  
  
"I dunno." Vasco shrugged his shoulders. "Perhaps I do it to piss Regan off."   
  
The two of us laughed together, like old pals.  
  
~**~  
  
A week after her arrival, I got to know Olivia Hunter a little better. The two of us happened to sit next to each other in the dining room by accident and before we knew it, we were exchanging information about each other as if they were Chocolate Frog cards. Within the time span of an hour, I learnt that she had an older brother called Vladimir and that she had a penchant for jazz music.   
  
In turn, she learnt that my friends were Ron and Hermione and that the Weasleys were almost like a second family to me. She told me that through what she could gather, she got the impression that being part of a family meant the world to me.  
  
"I lived with the Dursleys until I was seventeen," I told her as I dug into my steak and pudding. "They're my aunt and uncle, by the way. They basically treated me like dung and treated their son – my cousin – like a prince. Just think about it; my cousin turned to be a criminal and is in prison and I ended up in a nuthouse. It just goes to show what great people they were, doesn't it?"  
  
"Are THEY the reason why you're here?" Liv asked. "Do you reckon so?"  
  
"Who knows?" I replied through a mouthful of food. "If you actually assessed my life, you'd learn that I've been living in a cupboard for ten years – and then I learnt that my parents DIDN'T die in a car accident. Rather, they were killed by the most evil wizard since Grindelwald. And then Voldemort [Liv winced here] himself tries to eat me alive once again in first year, second year, fourth year, fifth year, sixth year and seventh year. I get abysmal NEWTs despite all hard effort and then my girlfriend dies. I'm not exactly the happiest person alive, am I?"  
  
If she were Regan or Vasco, they would've slapped me across the face and told me to get a grip on myself. However, Liv shook her head slowly and sadly.  
  
"And you finally cracked," she whispered. "Well, it's not wonder. I would've cracked as well."  
  
"Yeah, well, things happen like that do they?" I grunted. I didn't just crack. There was much more to the situation then just cracking under the pressure.   
  
Liv patted my hand sympathetically. "Not always," she said.  
  
I didn't reply, simply because I didn't know what to say. She was right, just like Ginny would have been. Just as I was going to give her my thanks for her sympathy, ear-piercing yells which almost shattered the windows were heard. I saw everybody freeze on their spots and then glace around, finding the source of the commotion.  
  
"Do not make such a racket! You'll embarrass the both of us!" said a distinctly female voice.  
  
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" yelled another, this time male.  
  
Liv and I gave each other bewildered looks and then walked out of the dining room and into the main foyer.  
  
What I saw made the colour escape my face and my hands became clammy and wet. I saw two male nurses trying (but failing) to physically restrain a young man. A woman was trying her hardest to calm the other man down. The woman herself was wearing billowing black robes and had pale, beautifully refined features. The man looked two decades younger than the woman and had platinum blond hair and a pale, pointed face. I could only infer one thing.  
  
Draco Malfoy had come to Silverwater.  
  
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Next chapter: The Rock in My Shoe 


	6. Chapter Six: The Rock In My Shoe

Chapter Six – The Rock in My Shoe  
  
"I don't believe it," I said.  
  
"Me neither," said Liv.  
  
Talk about a blast from the past. I knew that Malfoy was a little nutty and a right pain in the arse but I didn't think he would be nutty enough to land himself here.   
  
"I'm guessing he's here for anger management," said a voice that came from behind.   
  
Liv and I stepped aside away from each other to allow Regan to get a closer look.  
  
"Who is this psycho anyway?" she asked. When she saw who it was, I expected her eyes to bulge out of their sockets and her jaw to drop to the ground. Instead, she just shrugged and said, "Well, it's about bloody time." She turned on her heel and left.  
  
Liv and I were still in a daze as we watched Malfoy bite, scratch and spit at the nurses and his mother. He did not do this literally but he might as well have.  
  
"I assume you are Mrs Malfoy?" said Dr Bell as she scuttled into the Main Foyer from a side door, armed with a clipboard and a quill.  
  
"Narcissa Black," said Malfoy's mother. "I'm not Malfoy anymore."  
  
Dr Bell looked as though she wanted to question her even further but thought the better of it. If anything, you should never question a Malfoy, no matter who it was. If Lucius was anything to go by … well …  
  
"And is this your son, young Mr Malfoy?" asked Dr Bell.  
  
"Who else do you think I am?" Malfoy snapped.  
  
"Draco," said Narcissa reproachfully. "Mind your manners. You'll make us look bad."  
  
"DON'T talk to me," Malfoy snarled. "You're putting me in here! I don't want to see you ever again."  
  
"I'll visit you-."  
  
"NO YOU WON'T!"   
  
"I'm afraid he's right, Ms Black," said Dr Bell sternly. "It is Silverwater policy that the patients don't receive visitors unless the need to see them is urgent. However, you are allowed to send owls."  
  
"Very well," said Narcissa. "I'll send you an owl."  
  
"I'll bite its head off."  
  
"Draco-."  
  
"Get lost!"  
  
Narcissa squared her shoulders and raised her chin up into the air in attempt to regain her dignity. "I will write as soon as possible, Draco," she said grimly. "Meanwhile, I hope Silverwater will straighten you out a little bit. Maybe Dr Bell here can pull all that nonsense out of your head."  
  
She looked at her son one more time and then left with a swish of her cloak. My impression of her was that even though she wasn't as evil as Malfoy's dad, she was just as domineering.  
  
"Mr Malfoy," said Dr Bell, scratching her nose. "Allow us to take you to our room. Gentlemen, please release him."  
  
Malfoy wriggled free from the nurses' grips as they released him and he hissed venomously at the two of them. Well, that was what I thought I saw anyway.  
  
"Follow me," Dr Bell demanded and she led the way, walking in a stately manner.   
  
The entire party waled straight past Liv and I. None of them seemed to notice the two of us standing by the doorway, which was very fortunate. Given the state that Malfoy was in, I didn't want to face his wrath. I didn't want him biting my head off.  
  
"You'll be sharing a room with Mr Nagy," said Dr Bell. Her voice was growing fainter with every footstep she took. "There's no need to be afraid. Mr Nagy is a charming young man."  
  
"Poor Jai," I muttered under my breath.  
  
~*~  
  
"Are you ready to actually do this properly?"  
  
For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, I was ready to do this properly. The more I cooperated, the more chance I had of being discharged at the supposed date. I didn't want to stay here forever, did I?  
  
"I suppose," I sighed.  
  
Dr Bell ran a hand through her hair and began the session. "What I'm going to do is ask you a few questions that would allow me to gain a further insight into your mind. Do you have any objections?"  
  
Isn't that what psychiatrists did anyway?  
  
"No," I finally said. "I have no objections."  
  
"Brilliant …"  
  
She grabbed her quill and cast the spell which would make it dictate the entire conversation. "Now … how much do you value friendship?"  
  
"Quite a bit."  
  
"And what are you views on dark magic?"  
  
"What are you playing at?"  
  
"Just answer the question."  
  
"Fine … dark magic is … well, dark magic. It's what Voldemort practised quite a bit for the most part of his life." It was clear that I didn't like dark magic at all. Dark magic really messed me up.  
  
"Yes … what was going through your mind last year when you defeated You-Know-Who?"  
  
"A lot of things went through my mind," I replied truthfully. "I guess the first thing that came to my mind was shock. I mean, I was informed of the prophecy two years prior to the event and for two years I convinced myself that I wasn't powerful enough to do it … and then I did."  
  
Dr Bell nodded in comprehension. EVERYONE in the wizarding world knew about the prophecy as of my sixth year of Hogwarts. It just became common knowledge all of a sudden. I didn't know how it came about but it did. But then again, I didn't know anything.   
  
"And what about the night Ginny Weasley died? What was going through your mind then?"  
  
"It was the happiest day of my life," I said sarcastically.  
  
"Mr Potter, do this properly."  
  
"Do you really want to know?" I asked.  
  
"Yes," Dr Bell replied.   
  
"It's a long story," I cautioned.  
  
"I have all the time in the world," Dr Bell replied. "I wouldn't expect Mr Malfoy to show up for his session today."  
  
"I don't know if I want to tell you the story," I told her.   
  
"Well, you're going to have to some day," she told me.  
  
"Okay."  
  
I took a deep breath and launched on a story about one of the worst nights of my life. "It was during the summer holidays – two weeks after the diagnosis was made by a Muggle doctor. We were all at the Burrow that night. The entire Weasley family, Hermione and Colin Creevey were there, along with me. The doctor told us that it was too late and all we could do was wait until that moment came. I remember receiving an owl that night from her mother while I was at Hermione's place.   
  
"Hermione and I Apparated over there immediately and were greeted by Ron. I could never forget the look on his face as soon as I arrived. It was like he was wearing a death mask, only he wasn't the one that was dying.   
  
"We all managed to drag ourselves up the stairs and then that was when I saw her. Only it wasn't the same Ginny that I was used to seeing. This girl I saw looked lifeless.   
  
"We stayed in her room for a long time and waited until Ginny's Aunt Enid came. She was a Healer from St Mungo's and she was going to be the one that was going to nurse her until she died … er, what do you call those people?"  
  
Dr Bell looked deep in thought before she said, "I don't remember either."  
  
"Well," I began again, "it doesn't matter. My last memory of that night was Ginny's last words to me."  
  
I stayed silent after this. Dr Bell looked as though she wanted me to repeat her last words. Of course she did. She would justify her reason by saying that she was a psychiatrist but if you asked me, she was just being nosey. Finally, she cleared her throat audibly.  
  
"What were her last words?" she asked quietly.  
  
I cast my eyes sideways and murmured, "She told me that she didn't want to die. She said it was too soon."  
  
The deafening silence returned as Dr Bell sat behind her desk with her mouth hung open. She knew that I was being corny and too sentimental but it was the truth. Those were her actual last words to me.   
  
"I'm sorry," Dr Bell whispered.  
  
"That was two months ago," I sighed. "I'm over it."  
  
"I don't think you are," Dr Bell contradicted me. "I don't think you're over her death, nor are you over the deaths of Sirius Black or your parents."  
  
"What are you talking about?" I snapped. "How can I be NOT over my parents' deaths? How could I still be grieving? I never knew them."  
  
Dr Bell ignored my last comment. Instead, she asked her final question, the question that struck a particular chord in me.  
  
"If you were to look into the Mirror of Erised, what would you see?"  
  
I froze for a moment and contemplated my answer. I had looked into the Mirror of Erised before, twice as a matter of fact. The first time I saw it I saw my parents and my family. The second time I saw myself with the Philosopher's Stone. I COULD'VE said that I would see my family but somehow I knew that I would see something else.  
  
"I don't know," I replied quietly. "I really don't know."  
  
Dr Bell raised her eyebrows and waved her wand, thus making the quill slump to one side. "Thankyou Mr Potter. You have done well today. I will see you again at the same time next week."  
  
I nodded and left her office. Along the way I literally bumped into Draco Malfoy.  
  
"Watch where you're going you fag!" he snapped. Suddenly, his eyes bulged out of his sockets. "Potter?" he spat. "I don't bloody believe it."  
  
"Yeah, well, you better," I said. "Why the hell are you here?"  
  
"I've got an appointment with that screwy woman," Draco replied haughtily. He jerked his thumb towards Dr Bell. It wasn't like he needed to do that or anything, I wasn't stupid.  
  
"I can see that," I said slowly. "What I meant to ask is why you are 'here'?"  
  
"Do you really expect me to tell you that?" he sneered.  
  
"Yes," I replied.   
  
"I tried to snuff it," he replied simply. "What about you? Hearing voices? Is it that scar again?"  
  
"Grow up Malfoy," I snapped. "You're practically an adult now. Act like one."  
  
"You Gryffindors are pathetic," he sneered, "acting like you own the place."  
  
"Malfoy," I said. "We've graduated from Hogwarts. If anything is pathetic, it's you referring to us by the houses we were sorted in."  
  
"Don't get smart with me, Potter."  
  
"GET OUT OF THE WAY!"  
  
I shoved him out of my way and stormed off to my room. The bugger liked to light my fire just for the sake of burning the house down! The next month was going to be hard with Malfoy around.  
  
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Next Chapter: The Wrong Letter  
  
A/N: For those who had been reading before, I suggest you start again because I edited the first few chapters. Sorry :( But not much has changed, really. The only that had changed was some spelling, grammatical errors and I decided not to kill Dumbledore off so that's changed too. I've finished the story. The only thing I need to do is to rethink the last few chapters as they seem dodgy to me and my friend (who is going through this with me). Cheers.  
  
Oh, and to Amethyststar's: Yes, I was a girlscout too. 


	7. Chapter Seven: The Wrong Letter

Chapter Seven – The Wrong Letter  
  
_Dear Ron,  
  
I met a girl who resembles Ginny in every way that it's not funny. How's Hermione by the way? Is she still screwing that fag? What was his name, Ross? Pity it's not you, aye? You know you want to, I know you do. I bet you're peeved that you're not the one screwing her, huh? I think it's kind of pathetic how you've harboured this crush on her for who knows how long? I guess karma is coming back to you three fold.   
  
Oh and Malfoy's here. Beautiful.  
  
Harry  
  
_ That was the letter I wrote when I wanted to vent off some steam. I had to admit, when I was writing it, I felt as though venom was being extracted out of my body and it felt good. Dr Bell once advised to me that I had to get some feelings down on a piece of paper so that was what I did. I surprised myself even. I actually took heed of her advice. I remembered that Ron wrote a letter to me three weeks ago and I realised then that I hadn't written back. I actually considered sending the letter to him.  
  
When I woke up the next morning I re-read the letter and felt really foolish and guilty, so I wrote a more sensible, albeit shorter letter.  
  
_Dear Ron,  
  
Things are grand. Met a girl from Liv. Malfoy's here – beautiful. Give my regards to Hermione.  
  
Harry._  
  
I sent the letter off with Hedwig and told her that if she managed to get the letter to him, she could hunt for rats for as long as she wanted. I didn't know the reason for this sudden bout of kindness towards my pet owl. I wasn't expecting a reply, for he was angry at me at the moment for what I did. I thought at the time that his letter would have been painstakingly formal and written out of courtesy and politeness. He really hated me and I didn't blame him.  
  
The entire afternoon was devoted to rearranging my photo album. Ever since I came to Silverwater, it was all I ever looked at. After all, despite the fact that I was angry at them, I really missed Ron and Hermione. I missed Hermione's cool intellect and her compassion and I missed Ron's goofiness and his tendency to eat every sweet on the face of this earth.  
  
Vasco came into our room and sat next to me on the floor. "Not the blasted photos again," he laughed.  
  
"Someone needs to organise them," I said.  
  
"Stop it. You're giving Amelie a run for her money."  
  
He gathered all the photos sprawled out on the floor and dumped them all unceremoniously into the shoebox.  
  
"Hey!" I cried. "You'll crease them!"  
  
"We've got group therapy," he announced nonchalantly as he dumped the last of the photographs into the box. "Same place."  
  
"Why?" I groaned.  
  
"We have a new member of the crew?" Vasco replied. "We've got to induct Malfoy into the Le Grandus Loony Binnus."  
  
"Are you serious?" I asked. "Is there really an induction ceremony?"  
  
"No, you prat!" he cried. "But we're all waiting for you."  
  
I groaned one more time and got up onto my feet. "This is turning out great" I added sarcastically.   
  
Minutes later I was sitting underneath that tree once again, waiting for group therapy to begin. I tried to sit as far away from Malfoy as humanly possible but yet I wasn't able to escape his immature sneer and his overall snootiness.  
  
"Mr Malfoy," said Dr Bell. "Tell us why you're here at Silverwater."  
  
"Why?" said Malfoy.  
  
"Because I asked you to."  
  
"I almost bludgeoned my father to death and I tried to kill myself for it," Malfoy replied hastily. "My mother thought I was a nutcase for doing that so she admitted me here."  
  
"Brilliant!" said Jai scathingly. "I'm rooming with a blithering lunatic."  
  
"We're ALL blithering lunatics," Vasco reminded him.  
  
"Why did you try to kill your father?" Amelie asked. From what I could see, she looked as though she didn't want to talk to Malfoy at all but curiosity got the better of her. Curiosity got the better of me. You didn't just admit somebody to a mental institution, despite what Malfoy tried to imply.  
  
"Don't you listen, you idiot?" Malfoy snapped "He treated me like crap."  
  
"Why are you here?" Regan asked.  
  
Malfoy groaned and rolled his eyes like a four-year-old boy.  
  
"I told you already, I tried to kill my father!"  
  
"No you idiot!" Regan cried. "I mean, why are you in Silverwater? Shouldn't you be in Burwood with the criminally insane … or in Azkaban?"  
  
"He's a Malfoy," I said sardonically. "He's probably got some connections. He's probably weasled himself out of this one."  
  
"If I had connections I would be a free man," Malfoy snapped. "So much for your intelligence, Potter."  
  
"Stop it!" Dr Bell exclaimed. "This is not a screaming match, despite what many of you think." As she did this she glanced at Malfoy and raised her eyebrows in incredulity and then glanced at the moving quill beside her.  
  
"Sorry," I said.  
  
"I'm not," said Malfoy.   
  
"Will you stop and consider how you annoy the hell out of those around you?" Regan shrieked.  
  
"Will you stop and consider how you annoy the hell out of people with your banshee wailing?" yelled Vasco.  
  
"None of us are going anywhere with this racket!" said Dr Bell.  
  
"He started it," Regan whined pointing at Vasco. She was reminiscent of a two-year-old girl. As a matter of fact, they were all like children.  
  
Amidst all the screaming matches that involved Regan, Vasco and Malfoy, I managed to slip away unnoticed and head back to the main building. Once I stepped inside the building, a nurse scuttled over to me rather quickly.  
  
"You have a visitor," she informed me.  
  
If I knew any better, visitors were only allowed to come if the need was urgent. What was urgent in this case?  
  
The nurse led me over to the Main Foyer where I saw Hermione. Her face was grim and impassive.  
  
"Hello," I said drearily.  
  
"Hello," said Hermione.  
  
We stood in silence for a while, until she dug into her breast pocket of her coat. "Ron received this letter with Hedwig," she said. "Actually, Ron received this letter and I happened to be at the The Burrow at the time. Needless to say, he's not very happy."  
  
Hermione handed me the envelope and I hastily fished the letter out. When I first opened it, the colour drained out of my face. I had sent the wrong letter.   
  
I nodded my head, folded the letter and gave it back to her. "He's furious with me, isn't he?" I asked unnecessarily.  
  
"Naturally," Hermione replied. "Harry, why did you write that to him?"  
  
"I sent the wrong letter," I said, justifying my actions.   
  
"The wrong letter?" Hermione asked. From the tone of her voice, I could tell she wasn't convinced.  
  
"That was the letter that I had no intention of sending," I told her. "I only wrote that letter to vent off some feelings I had. I wrote another letter to him … and it looks as though I sent the wrong one."  
  
Hermione groaned and ran a hand through her hair. "You got him really upset," she sighed. "I never saw him so angry."  
  
"Why are you here?" I asked her. "Why couldn't Ron come here and tell me this himself?"  
  
"He doesn't want to see you," Hermione replied. "He's so furious with you."  
  
"You know, that's typical," I said angrily. "He doesn't have the guts to face me himself." I was reminded of the time Ron and I weren't talking to each other in fourth year. Instead of confronting me about the problem, Ron avoided me at all costs. It was happening all over again. Ron always avoided me when he was angry at me. That particular time wasn't any different from before.   
  
"I did try to convince him to come here himself but he refused," said Hermione.   
  
"I'm not surprised," I said spitefully.  
  
Hermione looked stunned. "What's that supposed to mean?"   
  
"Why doesn't he have the balls to stand up to me himself?" I asked her, replacing her question with my own.   
  
"I already told you!" Hermione cried out in righteous anger. "He's furious with you!"  
  
"I'm not accepting that as an answer!"  
  
Hermione did not retaliate. Instead she exhaled and sat down. "I don't know what to do any more," she said morosely. "I don't know why you're angry with us. We're trying to help you and yet-."  
  
"Don't do this, Hermione," I yelled. "Don't go on about how many galleons the three of you are chipping in for me to be here. DON'T go on about how much being here is for my own good. DON'T go on about how you put me in here because you love me and you want what's best for me because it's bull-!"  
  
"Harry-."   
  
"You don't know what I need. I hate it here, get me out."  
  
"I can't do that," said Hermione.  
  
"I want you," I said slowly, "to go over to the front desk and sign me out. Even though I like the people here, I hate it anyway."  
  
"Harry, even if I could I wouldn't," Hermione groaned in frustration. "Please, do this for me."  
  
I was so frustrated with her that I actually reached out and shook her vigorously by the shoulders. "Don't you understand?" I shouted into her face. "I need to get out of here!"  
  
"Harry – please!"  
  
I froze on the spot and realised the magnitude of my callousness. I released her quickly and dropped my arms to my side. Suddenly, shame plunged through my body. I physically abused her. I didn't bash her to death and I didn't really inflict physical injury onto her, but I shook her.  
  
Hermione looked like she was at the brink of tears. She sniffed, got up and placed her bag onto her shoulder. "I should go," she croaked. "I shouldn't really be here anyway. I wouldn't really call this an emergency."  
  
And as quickly as she arrived, she left.  
  
I half expected Hermione to stay and convince me to finish my session at Silverwater. I thought she would come up with every logical reason to stay and even outline them to me. No, the damage was done. I didn't know if I was going to see her again.  
  
Well, that was the end of that and what a horrible end it was, too.  
  
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Next Chapter: Photographs and an Unequivocal Sex Invite  
  
Amethyststar's: Thanks for your reviews. I'm glad you're enjoying it so far and I hope you'll keep enjoying it as I post more chapters. We haven't got long to go now. We're almost halfway there. Also, sorry the chapters so far are a little short but they do get longer.  
  



	8. Chapter Eight: Photographs and an Unequi...

Chapter Eight – Photographs and an Unequivocal Sex Invite  
  
For the remainder of the afternoon during an early dinner I couldn't help but feel utterly devastated. Hermione meant a lot to me, yet I pushed her further away. I pushed her so far away that I sent her to exile in Siberia.  
  
"What's wrong?" Liv asked me. That afternoon we managed to sit beside each other again.  
  
"I saw Hermione today," I replied sullenly.  
  
"And …?"  
  
"It didn't go well."  
  
"Oh … I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be. I inflicted it onto myself. I was such a prat to her."  
  
"You're not a prat," said Liv.  
  
"I am," I argued. "You should have seen it for yourself. It was horrendous."  
  
"When did this happen?" she asked.  
  
"During group therapy," I responded. "I walked away while Malfoy, Regan and Vasco were having that fight. I don't think anyone noticed."  
  
"Amelie did," Liv replied. "She asked me why you walked away."  
  
I raised my eyebrows at her. "Why did she do that for?"  
  
Liv shrugged her shoulders in response. It didn't say much. "Why did you walk away?" she added.  
  
"I don't know," I answered. "I guess I just wanted to get away from their 'banshee wailing'."   
  
Liv nodded her head and chuckled. "It did give me a headache after a while," she informed me. "I suppose the longer we stay here, the more we would learn to become immune to all that."  
  
"I've been here for five weeks," I said to her. "I'm not immune to it yet."  
  
"Harry," said Liv as she twirled her spaghetti around her fork, "can I ask you a question?"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
It looked as though Liv was hesitant to ask what she wanted to ask but she brought herself around to it eventually.  
  
"What was Ginny like?" she whispered.  
  
I didn't answer straight away, for I didn't know how to answer that question. I could tell her that Ginny was the most beautiful girl in the world but it wouldn't suffice. Ginny was MUCH more than that. She was more than a soul mate to me. But what did I know about love?   
  
Liv waited patiently for my answer. Her fork was stationary in mid-air and she gazed at me intently.   
  
"Uh – er," I stammered, "Uh … well … if I told you how she was like when we were together you would accuse me of being sappy."  
  
"Just tell me," Liv laughed.  
  
"Well … I don't know. She was Ginny, my girlfriend."  
  
"She must have meant more to you than that," said Liv.  
  
Damn, she read my mind. I wondered briefly if she was related to Professor Trelawney but I soon remembered that the old bat was not telepathic. Her area of 'expertise' was prophesising. I knew all about it too well.  
  
The silence that hovered over us was so uncomfortable. I felt it pierce into my skin. Thankfully, Liv broke it by speaking.  
  
"Have you got any photographs?" she asked, out of the blue. "Even though I know how Ginny looked like, it would be nice to see her from your perspective."  
  
I considered this for a moment before agreeing to it. "I guess I can do that for you. Just answer one question for me."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Why is it that you know Ginny?" I asked. "She was in the year above you."  
  
"All the Hufflepuffs in her year kept telling me how much I looked like her," Liv replied. "They made a point of it all the time. It wasn't hard to miss."  
  
It all made sense to me, so I nodded my head and led her to my room. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Vasco give a mischievous wink and encouraging thumbs up. I had enough sense in me to realise that he thought I was going to sleep with her. Little did her realise that it was the last thing on my mind.  
  
When we finally reached mine and Vasco's room, Liv plonked herself on my bed and looked eager to see the photographs. Meanwhile, I got down on my hands and knees and grabbed the shoebox and the photo album. I blew off the small film of dust, which tantalised Liv's nose and made her sneeze.   
  
"Bless you," I said politely. I reached over and gave her a box of tissues.  
  
Liv took it gratefully and smiled in thanks. She blew her nose and then perused through the leather-bound photo album.  
  
"That's my mum and dad," I said as I propped myself onto the bed. "I think you know that they died when I was only fifteen months old."  
  
"I know the story," said Liv. "Do you actually remember your parents at all, vaguely?"  
  
I shook my head sadly as a heavy, uncomfortable feeling settled in my chest. It was like water filling in my lungs. When I was younger, I wanted to be like Dudley. No, I didn't want an arse the size of the Acropolis but I wanted a family unit – people to call my parents. I didn't want parents like Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia but heck, I wanted parents.   
  
"I don't mean to sound insensitive," Liv began, "but I'm really angry at my parents at the moment."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"They sent me here because of my severe depression," Liv replied. "I don't know what triggered it. It was one of those things that just appeared out of nowhere. It spiralled out of control and they couldn't handle it anymore so they sent me here."  
  
I would've told her that it was for her own good but that would've made me the ultimate hypocrite. Instead I said, "I can see why you're not happy with them at the moment."  
  
Liv nodded in assent and continued to flick through the pages slowly and carefully. "Your mother is beautiful," she commented. She then turned to me and gazed into my eyes. "I can see where you get your eyes." Liv reached out a hand and took off my glasses. "You look so young without them. Have you ever considered getting contact lenses?"  
  
"Uh … no," I replied as I put my owlish spectacles back on. "I haven't any money."  
  
"Oh well, it doesn't matter."  
  
Liv turned to the next page and on it was a picture of Ginny and I during happier times. "Wow …" she said breathlessly. "She really was beautiful."  
  
"I know," I said.  
  
"How did you meet?" she asked me.  
  
I laughed at the memory, "Long story," I replied.   
  
"Tell me," Liv cried.  
  
"Well," I cleared my throat and I began. "We actually knew each other for a long time because she was my best friend's sister. I actually saw her on September the first on Platform 9. Her brothers were going to commence their school year. I never actually 'met' her until my second year when I spent some of the summer in The Burrow – that was the name of their home by the way. It was then that I was under the impression that she had a crush on me. That was the same year I saved her from the Basilisk and the Chamber of Secrets. She was taken into the Chamber-."  
  
"I heard about that," Liv interjected. "My brother told me all about that but I didn't believe him. It seemed farfetched that a great big snake was getting around the castle attacking Muggleborns and even more so that it was killed by a twelve-year-old kid."  
  
"It's true," I told her. "Anyway, back to the story. Nothing really happened until sixth year, when I stole her away from Dean Thomas. She was going out with him out of common courtesy. She told me later that she thought she liked him but in the end it turned out that she was wrong. That was when I started to fall for her as well and before we knew it, we were a couple."  
  
"You guys share quite a history together," said Liv in awe.   
  
"Yeah," I replied solemnly, "and now she's dead."  
  
The next four hours were spent talking about whatever came into our heads and the photographs became forgotten. We spoke about Hogwarts, Hogwarts and … well, Hogwarts. Our lives as a teenage wizard and witch lacked diversity, as we spent most of our time there. We spent summers at home and even that wasn't that interesting. I learned that like me, Liv's family treated her like a non-entity and it was during the two hours that I realised that I could relate to her more than any other person I had ever met in my entire life. So hence, we did not dwell on the subject of our families because it only brought us down to a lower level.  
  
Suddenly, midnight fel upon us and Liv fell asleep on my bed. Being the gentleman I was, I pulled a blanket over her petite body and stroked her hair. I decided to sleep on Vasco's bed that night as he hadn't returned yet. I figured that he could sleep on the floor. I didn't think he would miss sleeping on his comfortable bed for one night. He always ended up on the floor by the morning, the git slept like a violent egg-beater.  
  
Two hours later, I learned that I was wrong about Vasco sleeping on the floor.  
  
"Oi! Wake up."  
  
Vasco prodded and poked at my ribs in attempt to wake me from my slumber.   
  
"This is my bed! You have your own bed over there."  
  
"Sleep on the floor," I murmured.  
  
"No!" he cried exasperatedly. "What do you think I am, a Neanderthal?"  
  
"You look like one," I retorted sleepily.  
  
"Harry, get up!" he hissed.  
  
"You'll wake her," I murmured again.  
  
"Get out of my bed," Vasco demanded.  
  
"No."  
  
Vasco took the initiative and pulled off my bedclothes. "Get out of my bed," he repeated.  
  
"Fine," I groaned. "I'm taking your pillows!"  
  
"Go back to your own bed," Vasco demanded again. "Leave the pillows here."  
  
"Liv is on it."  
  
"The more the reason to go back to your own bed."  
  
I glared at Vasco in the dark, "Is EVERYTHING you think about relate to sex?"  
  
"I'm not asking you to screw her!" Vasco spat. "If you must, bring her back to her room. Give her some company or something – JUST GET OFF MY BED!"  
  
I groaned and trekked all the way over to the other side of the room. I looked at Liv, sleeping peacefully on my bed. I didn't want to interrupt her untainted sleep so I walked back to Vasco. No, it was too much, sleeping on the same bed as her. It was practically a sex invite and I wasn't ready for that.  
  
"Vasco," I hissed. "I can't sleep with her. I'm going to have to sleep with you. Shove over!"  
  
Suddenly, Vasco rose from his bed and propped himself onto his elbows. "Come to me, you naughty boy," he purred, complete with a seductive growl. Being the presumptuous person he was, he reached out and stroked my thigh. "You know you want to," he added.  
  
"Alright! Alright! I'm going!" I groaned fearfully as I scrambled away. And then I distanced myself far away from Ferdinand Vasconcelos – VERY far away.  
  
Vasco laughed raucously. "The price I pay just to get you to sod off!" he said through gasps for breath.   
  
He quickly went to sleep. His snores reverberated around the tiny room. I knew then that it was going to be a long and excruciating night.  
  
Moments later I found myself towering over Liv. I then heaved a sigh and climbed in between the sheets. Just like I did with Ginny during happier times I draped an arm around Liv's waist and buried my face into her hair. I didn't know why I did it then but it felt good.  
  
Half an hour later I decided that with Vasco's monstrous snoring getting some decent sleep was an impossible feat. Instead, I hurdled myself over Liv's sleeping form, walked out of my room and headed out to Silverwater gardens.  
  
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Please review, you know you wanna, or else I'll run after you with a pitchfork *grins innocently and readjusts halo*  
  
Next Chapter: Rearranging Malfoy's Face  
  
A/N: I'll remind you again. Liv's NOT a Mary-Sue. 


	9. Chapter Nine Rearranging Malfoy's Face

Chapter Nine – Rearranging Malfoy's Face  
  
The grass crunched underneath my feet when I walked out into the gardens, bathed underneath the Full Moon. My thoughts instantly turned to Remus and that was when I was reminded that he was having it hard that night. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, I felt genuinely sorry for him. Thoughts of Remus made me make a mental note to apologise to Hermione the next morning.  
  
I sat by the makeshift pond (magically generated by Eyebrows) and dwelled on my thoughts. Before I knew it, I was counting down the days until I was discharged from Silverwater. However, I had three more weeks and rest assured they were going to be like three years. I sighed, breathed in the cool and balmy breeze and watched as the moon reflected upon the pond.  
  
"Can't sleep either?" said a voice.  
  
I craned my neck around and came face to face with Regan Zabini.   
  
"I couldn't either," she said. "I shouldn't have had all that coffee this morning. Besides, have you seen Liv?"  
  
"She's in my room," I replied as I turned away from her.  
  
Regan sighed in relief and ran a hand through her thick black hair, bestowed upon her by her Spanish background. "Good," she cried. "She's my roommate and I was getting worried."  
  
"There's no need to worry."  
  
"That's good to hear."  
  
Regan paused for a moment and then gazed at me with obvious pity in her eyes.   
  
"You miss her, do you?" Regan finally asked, shattering the awkward silence.  
  
I squirmed uncomfortably in my position. "Who?" I asked, although I knew who she was referring to.  
  
"Ginny, of course," Regan replied. "I know you do. It's obvious."  
  
"How can I not?" I said. "She was Ginny."  
  
"I know," Regan sighed. "Life's a bitch and then you die."  
  
"Tell me about it."  
  
"Oh how quaint," drawled a male voice, this time with a hint of a patrician slur.  
  
Regan and I spun around and were greeted by the sight of Draco Malfoy. In his usual manner, he folded his arms across his chest and scorned at us.   
  
"Having a romantic chat under the moonlight?" he suggested derisively.  
  
"What benefit do you get from making everyone's life a living hell?" asked Regan.  
  
"Yeah and why are you out of bed?" I added.  
  
Suddenly, Regan and I sprung to our feet and mimicked his actions by folding our arms across our chests simultaneously. In doing so we looked like Muggle FBI agents. All we needed were black suits.  
  
"The benefit I get is the benefit of self-satisfaction," Malfoy replied. "And to answer your question, Potter, I felt like taking a walk. Is that a crime all of a sudden?"  
  
"It is if you're going to annoy us,' I replied. "Sod off!"  
  
"No!" Malfoy snapped like an immature toddler. "Don't tell me what to do."  
  
"Do you mind?" Regan cried exasperatedly. "We're having a private conversation here!"  
  
Malfoy's neck craned his head as it turned to Regan, "You were always a disgrace to the Zabini family," he drawled. "Blaise always denied a filial connection between the two of you."  
  
Same old Malfoy. He was no different to when he was at school.  
  
"I'd rather be a Zabini disgrace rather than a Zabini," Regan spat, "especially since my uncle and my father were inducted into the Death Eater's circle two years ago."  
  
"And what are you having a conversation about anyway?" Malfoy asked. "Not that I'm interested in your sordid affairs or anything."  
  
Idiot, why did he ask in the first place?  
  
"If you must know," I began slowly as the anger bubbled inside of me, "we were talking about Ginny."  
  
"Yes," said Malfoy as he nodded his head in mock contemplation. "I always wondered why you were with that weasel – and then it occurred to me. She looks like your dead mother."  
  
I suddenly felt a wave of anger overpower me as my hands curled into fists. How dare he.  
  
"Well, now we know they have one thing in common. They're both dead."  
  
Malfoy laughed at his own joke and that was when I finally snapped and pounced on him, hitting every single inch that I could find of him.  
  
"HARRY! STOP!"  
  
I ignored Regan and continued to hurt Malfoy as much as I could. I wanted to disfigure his face to the extent that it would become unrecognisable. He almost bludgeoned his father to death. I wanted him to get the same treatment.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU!" I snarled. "You're SICK!"  
  
"Harry, stop this now!"   
  
Regan jumped into the foray and tried to pry the two of us apart, all to no avail. I threw her off me and punched Malfoy squarely in the face.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU!" I shrieked over and over again as I punched, kicked, bit and scratched.  
  
"Harry – stop it!" cried Regan.  
  
"Get off me you friggin' psycho!" screamed Malfoy.  
  
"Impedimenta!"  
  
Suddenly, the two of us were sprung apart by an invisible force like two positively charged ions. Dr Bell and the same male nurses that restrained Malfoy on his first day here came charging out of the building towards us. Dr Bell had her wand raised to eye level and pointed directly at us.  
  
It was then when I realised the damage I had inflicted on Malfoy's otherwise well-groomed form. By the end of the whole fiasco Malfoy was sporting two black eyes, a bleeding lip and a throbbing lump protruding out of his head. I, on the other hand managed to get away with only a few minor cuts and bruises.  
  
"You!" Dr Bell yelled as she pointed her wand at Malfoy and Regan. "Go back your rooms now and don't come out. Nurse Jones will tend to you, Mr Malfoy. You," she pointed her wand at me, "in my office – NOW!"   
  
All our shoulders slumped forward at the same time and together we walked back to the building. Once inside we parted ways. Malfoy and Regan headed towards the direction of the dorm rooms whereas I marched sombrely to Dr Bell's office.  
  
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Next Chapter: Ron and Hermione's Return 


	10. Chapter Ten: Ron and Hermione's Return

AmenthystStar's and Deadangel: Domo Arigato (thankyou very much) for your reviews, they are greatly appreciated. I'm flattered when you said that this was the best you've ever read yet.   
  
As to anyone else who is reading this and have not reviewed, feel free to do so. This is my first fic so go easy on me but if there is something that you want to comment on, please feel free to do so. Just remember to be nice about it, because flames you post will be used to roast your a** *readjusts halo again*  
  
We're almost there ...  
  
Disclaimer: see first chapter.  
  
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Chapter Ten – Ron and Hermione's Return  
  
Like every other time, the attack was provoked by the same git. He dished out a lot of bad vibes and those in the receiving end suffered the consequences. God only knew what Dr Bell was going to do to me. Perhaps she would have locked me in my own cell for a week, bound by a strait jacket. Or even worse, she'd probably counsel me to death.  
  
Soon after I entered her office and sat down on the recliner, Dr Bell popped her head in. "Good," she snapped. "Stay there while I make an important Floo call. Nurse Jones and Madam Gough are tending to Mr Malfoy's needs at the moment – DO NOT MOVE A MUSCLE!"  
  
As quickly as she came Dr Bell left briskly, leaving behind a stunned silence. I seized this opportunity to take a sneak peak at her desk. On top of it were numerous photographs, presumably of friends and family. The one that caught my particular attention was the moving photograph of Dr Bell and another, much younger girl with the same blonde hair and facial features. The girl was wearing Quidditch robes for Pride of Portree and had a Firebolt slung over her shoulder. I suspected that Dr Bell was related to Katie Bell and this confirmed it. That was why Katie looked so familiar. I also couldn't believe that a nice girl like Katie could be related to such a monstrous bitch.  
  
Half an hour later Dr Bell returned but she didn't come alone. Tailing behind her were Ron and Hermine, dressed in their nightgowns and covered from head to toe in soot. I guessed they were the 'important' Floo call.  
  
"Here," said Dr Bell. "You know what to do."  
  
She then turned on her heel and disappeared.  
  
Ron and Hermione edged towards me tentatively before they made themselves comfortable on the seats provided; Hermione to my right and Ron in the seat where Dr Bell usually sat. They were going to counsel me instead. Why couldn't Dr Bell do this herself? That was what she was paid for, after all.   
  
"Dr Bell told us what happened," said Hermione.  
  
I didn't say anything after this.   
  
"Harry, we are not going to have a repeat of earlier on," Hermione added. "I'm not going to argue with you."   
  
"I didn't say anything!" I exploded.   
  
I saw Ron's upper lip twitch as he glared at me through narrow eyes. I didn't know why he couldn't just get a grip on himself. He needed to overcome his immaturity. It was fair enough that he was angry at me but did he have to rub it into my face.  
  
Maybe I needed to overcome my immaturity first.  
  
"Listen to us!" Hermione cried. "Harry, you're going to have to get yourself together. You can't go around causing trouble – and don't say that trouble finds you because that is nonsense!"  
  
"I was provoked!" I cried. "Malfoy made a horrible reference to my mother and Ginny!"  
  
"I would have thought that dealing with Malfoy for seven or so years would make you ignore all his crap," said Ron.   
  
"Ron's right," said Hermione. "You're eighteen years old now, not twelve."  
  
"Malfoy's being immature," I retorted.  
  
"The more you should ignore him," said Hermione.  
  
"You're not my mother!" I yelled.  
  
"That may be the case," Ron cried out in indignation, "but she's your best friend. We're your best friends – no, we're like a brother and sister to you!"   
  
"Would you put your brother into a mental institution?"  
  
"If he needed it, then yes," Ron replied.  
  
"How many times do we have to tell you that this is for your own good?" Hermione asked.  
  
Something was amiss here. Ron and Hermione weren't like their usual selves. I expected them to bicker at each other but that certainly wasn't the case. I WANTED them to bicker at each other for it would bring some normality to the situation. However, they decided that now was the time to sort their differences aside and gang up on me. Finally, I folded my arms over my chest and said, "I hate it here."  
  
"Just co-operate with Dr Bell and you'll be fine," said Hermione. "Sooner or later everything will return to normal."  
  
"What do you define as normal?" I asked vindictively.  
  
"Don't start," snapped Ron. "He were are trying to be as positive as possible and here you are being the biggest git on earth!"  
  
"I wouldn't be such a git if you laid off my back!" I shot back.   
  
"You know!" said Ron exasperatedly, "I don't know why I bother with you. This world has corrupted you so much that I'm afraid you'll never change."  
  
"And what's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"You're an intelligent boy," Ron replied, "figure it out for yourself."  
  
"Harry, Dr Bell called us in the middle of night because she said that you were in trouble," said Hermione. "She told us that if she spoke to you, you wouldn't listen to her. She believed that this was the only effective way to get the message across to you. We could have easily refused but we're here, Harry. Can't you be a little more thankful?"  
  
I didn't reply to Hermione's rant. I considered the possibility of saying the next phrase that popped into my head for a minute, taking heed of all the horrific repercussions, given Ron's temper but I said those words anyway:  
  
"You're only horrible to me because of Ginny, aren't you?"  
  
Ron froze as he headed out the door and through his nightgown I saw his shoulders tense. In turn, the back of his neck turned the famous Weasley red. "I don't know what you mean," he said slowly and spitefully.  
  
"I think you do," I said in that same tone.  
  
"I don't," Ron repeated.  
  
"Stop it" Hermione cried in a Dr Bell-like fashion, "The both of you!"   
  
"No!" we cried in unison.  
  
"Ron!" Hermione yelled. "Don't do anything severe."  
  
"What makes you think I'll do anything severe?"   
  
"I don't know," Hermione shot back. "I know something's bound to happen, severe or not. I know what you're like."   
  
"Well, you're wrong," Ron snarled. "You don't know what I'm like."  
  
Now THERE was the arguing and bickering but it wasn't enough for me. I wanted more.  
  
Ron turned to me, "I'm being nasty to you because you won't get a hold of yourself. First it's hating us for sending you here THEN it's the letter -."  
  
"I have a legitimate explanation!" I cried out in indignation.   
  
"Ron, listen to what he has to say," said Hermione calmly.  
  
"Be quiet, Hermione," Ron snapped.  
  
"She's right," I said. "Listen to what I have to say."  
  
"You don't speak!" Ron yelled.   
  
When I looked into his eyes, I did not see the usual jovial happy glow I had become accustomed to for seven years. Instead I saw frustration, anger and sadness intertwined with pity. Pity. Ron had it in small portions and Hermione had it in droves. However, I didn't want any of it.  
  
"Get out!" I shouted. My hands curled into fists for the second time that night and my eyes narrowed into thin slits. "Get out before I rearrange your face like I did with Malfoy."  
  
Ron spotted my curled fists out of the corner of his eyes.  
  
"Uncurl them," he said in a low voice.   
  
"Uncurl what?" I barked.  
  
"Uncurl your fists," Ron replied. "You are NOT going to hit me."  
  
"I can do whatever I want."  
  
"Harry, don't be silly!" Hermione exclaimed. "Just apologise to Ron and we can all leave on a happy note. Arguing and fighting will not get us anywhere!"  
  
"For someone so intelligent, you're really naïve," I spat at her. "He's been a bastard to me since Ginny died. There's no such thing as a happy note. If anyone's being silly, it's him." I inclined my head towards his direction, to which Ron furrowed his eyebrows in the middle and pouted his lips like an immature schoolgirl.   
  
"Look," Hermione groaned. "I don't want the two of you screaming the house down. Let's go home and we can sort this out in the morning."  
  
"We're not sorting anything out," said Ron. "Harry, after seven years of friendship consider us through."  
  
And with that, Ron Weasley, my best friend in the whole world walked out of Dr Bell's office and out of my life. He left Hermione and I in our wake. Hermione had tears pouring down her face as she stood on one spot and cried silently.   
  
"Why are you crying?"   
  
"Ron shouldn't be that horrible," Hermione sobbed. "And YOU shouldn't be that horrible either!"  
  
"Stop crying," I snapped. "You're not supposed to cry, you're 'Hermione' for Merlin's sake!"   
  
I should have known better. I should have known that my callousness and our fight would have been enough to break her. The usually strong Hermione was crying and it made me feel awful.  
  
Hermione hiccuped and gathered her belongings, "I'll write as soon as I can," she said softly. "Good night Harry." She kissed me on the cheek and left in an instant.  
  
Just as soon as Hermione left, Dr Bell stepped into the room.  
  
"I think you should be ashamed of yourself," she barked. "You disfigured one's face and you alienate another from yourself with your ridiculous attitude. Now, get to bed before you cause more trouble."  
  
I hung my head in shame at that precise moment. The night had been troublesome on my part and I was exhausted as a result. Needless to say, I smiled at the sight of Liv curled up on my bed when I reached my room. It was the only thing that comforted me.  
  
So, once again I slipped in between the sheets and draped an arm around her waist. After a long night I fell asleep, dreaming of a red-haired girl with cute freckles across her nose and beautiful brown eyes … the same girl that held her wrongful place six feet under.  
  
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Next chapter: Liv's Dilemma 


	11. Chapter Eleven: Liv's Dilemma

Alright then, I had an issue with this chapter. All this HTML language just popped up and I re-uploaded it with closed HTML tags but it's still the same! I don't know what the fork is happening so here is my third attempt. I hope it all goes well this time *crosses fingers*  
  
As usual, thanks for the reviews.   
Chapter Eleven – Liv's Dilemma  
  
_It was Harry Potter's seventh year at Hogwarts. The year had just started and already he wished that the surface of the earth would open up and engulf him whole. The first week had been hell. Not only did the teachers pile up the homework and assignments but the second War was at its height. People were dying left right and centre.  
  
Personally, Harry didn't know why Voldemort was the subject of much fear amongst the entire Wizard population in Britain. To him, Voldemort was merely a wizard. He was just Tom Riddle, the handsome slytherin Head Boy who achieved who was an over-achiever when he was studying at Hogwarts. His ambition to take over the whole world (Wizard and Muggle) was pathetic. The only thing that Harry was worried about was that he liked to kill people and had an extraordinary amount of supporters. Perhaps he didn't need to ponder why Voldemort was the subject of much fear.  
  
Harry sat silently in one corner of the library, buried under a pile of textbooks with a lamp propped on his table. The library had shut for the night but he managed to sneak in stealthily armed with his Invisibility Cloak It looked as though he pulled every single book off the bookshelves and brought them over to his table. The books towered over him and it looked as though they threatened to topple onto his head. It was already past midnight and yet Harry refused to go to bed. He was horribly reminded of Hermione's study habits during his third year.  
  
Harry groaned at the thought of waking up the next morning with a throbbing headache from too much studying. He didn't want to be muttering the properties of the Inoculating Potion in his sleep either.  
  
He couldn't concentrate on the matter at hand. He was supposed to be working on an assignment for Potions that was 'specially crafted' for him by Professor Snape because he failed yet again to produce something that would qualify as drinkable. Instead, the prophecy that Professor Trelawney made shortly before his birth played over and over again in the recesses of Harry's mind that night. "I'm the only one that can kill Voldemort," he said out loud to himself. "I'm going to have to do it soon. The longer I do it, the more Voldemort would become powerful and the more people would die. The fate of the world is entrusted upon me."  
  
"Harry?" a tired, female voice called from his right. "Why are you still up?"  
  
Harry craned his neck behind him nd was greeted by the sight of Ginny, dressed in her nightgown and slippers. To Harry, she looked like Aphrodite incarnate against the dim light emitted from the lamp. She yawned and stretched her arms before speaking again, "Why aren't you in bed?"  
  
"How did you get in here without anyone seeing you?" Harry asked. Why was she here in the first place?  
  
Ginny yawned once again and replied, "I am the little sister of the infamous Weasley twins. Anything is possible for me."  
  
Harry laughed quietly before pulling a whole pile of books towards himself. "Sit down," he said.  
  
Ginny smiled and sat down next to him. "Don't tell me you've left it at the last minute again," she scoffed. "Seriously, Harry. You're in seventh year now and you need to learn how to organise yourself."  
  
"Okay Hermione," said Harry, trying to restrain a laugh. "What have you done with Ginny? Get out of her body now before you do something drastic."  
  
Ginny laughed heartedly before playfully smacking me across the shoulder. "You're going to have to stop," she giggled. "Or else you won't wake up in time for your first class tomorrow."  
  
"I wouldn't mind so much," Harry replied. "I'm already far behind as it is."  
  
"Harry," Ginny giggled. "It's only a week into the new term."  
  
"Well … why are you here?" said Harry, changing the subject.  
  
Ginny exhaled loudly and ran a hand through her hair. "I don't know," she replied. "I've been feeling a little sick again – I seriously don't know what it is! It's like somebody's refusing to let me get better! But why am I complaining?" She shifted in her seat and patted Harry on the arm, "What you're going through is much worse, what with the prophecy and all …"  
  
By then the prophecy was common knowledge amongst their group of friends and sooner or later it was to be known by the whole British Wizard Community.  
  
"It just depends on how you look at it," said Harry morosely. "If you were suicidal and wanted Voldemort to kill you, then you'd love where I am now. If you were maniacally homicidal, then you'd jump at the chance to kill the most evil wizard in the world."  
  
Ginny sighed once again, kissed Harry's cheek and propped her head onto his shoulder. "Try not to think about it now," she said softly. "I love you, don't forget that."  
  
"Yeah," said Harry. "Me too."_  
  
****************************************************************  
  
I woke up the next morning and found two things: Liv was nowhere to be found and my pillow was soaked with what I assumed to be a mixture of tears and sweat. In regards to Liv, I guessed that she had risen early, for it was already eleven o'clock in the morning. In regards to my dream, I couldn't help but be angry. I hated having dreams about Ginny (they were frequent during my stay at Silverwater). It was just another painful reminder that I still held scars from the previous months. I made a mental note as to talk to somebody about them later.   
  
When I opened my bleary eyes, the light from the sun blinded me. I was blinded by the light, like a vampire would have been. I rolled over in my bed and found a small memo perched up on top of my bedside table.  
  
I groaned noticeably and reached for it. Fumbling with my glasses before placing them on my face, I read:  
  
_Mr Potter,  
  
You are required to attend a session with me outside your usual scheduled appointment at noon today. Please be on time. I have a couple of things I want to discuss with you.  
  
Dr Bell_  
  
I groaned once again and threw the little memo aside. I was sure that I wouldn't forget about the appointment today. If I did forget then it didn't really matter. I hated counselling sessions with her. I wish we had a different psychiatrist. I heard that Dr Davis was really nice.  
  
By eleven thirty I was sitting at the dining table with my fellow inmates eating a late breakfast. I thought I was doomed to an uneventful morning until somebody's soft, feminine hands enveloped over my glasses, concealing my view.  
  
"Guess who?" she whispered into my ear.  
  
Believing it was Liv I said, "The same girl that stood me up this morning?"  
  
"I knew it!" she cried. "It was about time too! Little Harry Potter is growing up!"  
  
Regan unfurled her hands from my eyes and sat beside me. "Why do you look so stunned?"  
  
I immediately snapped out of my reverie and dug into my cereal with great haste. "I'm not!" I protested through a mouthful of food.   
  
"How was it?" Regan asked.  
  
"What?" I asked.  
  
Regan assumed that I knew what she was talking about but I didn't have a clue. Finally, she said, "You know! How was it?"  
  
"Would I tell you?" I asked.  
  
"Yes," Regan replied. "Tell me EVERY single detail."  
  
"What if I don't want to?" I said cheekily.  
  
"You HAVE to tell me."  
  
"She's great in between the sheets."  
  
"Really?" Regan cried. Her eyes were as wide as galleons. "I never would have thought, coming from a girl like her. I would have thought she was shy and timid."  
  
"Regan," I laughed. "I was kidding."  
  
I saw her face fall in disappointment. "I thought you finally did it," she said disappointedly.  
  
"Are you waiting for me to sleep with somebody?" I cried out exasperatedly.  
  
"Well," said Regan, "you're eighteen years old and you're still a virgin! How does that come about?"  
  
"I'm not the last virgin on earth, you know," I said to her. "I don't HAVE to sleep with somebody."  
  
"Just once," Regan said, smiling. "Just do it once!"  
  
"Can we not talk about this anymore?" I asked, as I felt the conversation was getting ridiculous.   
  
"Alright," Regan sighed. "Anyway, the girl that stood you up asked me to pass you a message. She told me to tell you to meet her by the makeshift pond today. She says she wants to tell you something. I bet I know what it is!" Regan winked roguishly and nudged my ribs with her elbow repeatedly. Though they hated each other, Regan and Vasco were alike in every way possible.  
  
"Why couldn't she just tell me herself?" I asked.  
  
"You know how she is," Regan replied. "I am merely a messenger."  
  
"Thankyou for relaying the message," I said. "Well, if what you say is true, I must get going."  
  
"Go get her, tiger," Regan purred seductively, complete with claw actions and eyelash batting. I gave her a contemptuous look, to which she cowered under.  
  
"Just go!" she demanded. "You don't want to keep her waiting."  
  
I would have sworn that when I made to step out towards Silverwater gardens I heard Regan mutter under her breath, "Goodness, what is he on?" However, I chose not to retaliate. Not only was it deemed inappropriate but my brain wasn't capable to conjure up a sarcastic retort this early in the day.  
  
When I stepped into the sunshine I immediately scanned the gardens in search for Liv. My travelling eyes landed on a red-haired girl sitting cross-legged by the pond, destroying a nearby flower by stripping its petals. At that precise moment she reminded me of Ginny so much that it actually tore me up inside.   
  
Liv spotted me and gave me a heart-warming smile. "I gather you got the message," she said.  
  
"I didn't know why you couldn't just tell me yourself?" I asked as I walked towards her and sat next to her on the grass. "But that doesn't matter. Why did you call for me?"  
  
"I just wanted to say thankyou for giving me company last night," said Liv.   
  
I paused for a minute. "That's it?" I asked.  
  
"Well, yeah …" said Liv bashfully. "And I was kind of hoping if you'd … you know listen to what I have to say."  
  
The request was not in any way peculiar but the way she suggested it was. She was akin to a fragile little china doll with her endearing and sweet manner. She reminded me of a certain girl when she was ten years old.  
  
"Okay," I finally replied. "I guess I could do that for you. Uh, what do you want to say?" I finished lamely.   
  
"I wanted to get something off my chest," said Liv. "I wondered if we could just sit around and … talk?"  
  
"Don't you think we've worn that out by now?" I asked. "I already know all there is to know about you. We've talked ourselves out."  
  
"I don't think we have," said Liv. "After all, I haven't revealed all about myself."  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked her.  
  
"I have to be honest with you," she said quietly. "I … uh … something happened as of late and." I could see she was sweating a little bit. She was nervous.  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
"Uh, nothing," said Liv nervously. "Uh, I just wanted to say."   
  
She couldn't get the words out of her mouth. Instead, she made gestures with her mouth like a fish out of water.  
  
"What is it with you?" I cried.  
  
Finally, Liv gave into her constant stammering and threw her hands up in the air in defeat. "I have to go." She sprung to her feet and left. The entire event glossed over like a blur.  
  
I ran up to her and caught up with her nimble speed. I grabbed her around the shoulders. "What's up with you?"  
  
"I have to go!" she exclaimed in a panicked voice. "Regan's wrong! I can't do this!"  
  
"Do what?" I cried exasperatedly. Until today, Liv was able to talk to me freely. What was different about that time? Have things changed?  
  
Liv didn't respond. Instead, she hiccupped and disappeared without a trace.  
  
I couldn't help but be completely and utterly bamboozled by the whole ordeal. First she summoned me from breakfast for a chat and yet she ran away without as much as saying a word. I knew better than to assume that she was in utter peril. If she were, she may have gone to Dr Bell. What was I supposed to do?  
  
I blearily rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, dug my hands into my pockets and marched solemnly towards the main building. I groaned as my headache throbbed rather violently against my temples and across the front of my face. This was a consequence of lack of sleep for I had spent the majority of the night seething through my teeth. It was all because of Malfoy.   
  
When I did manage to get to sleep, I dreamt about Ginny. The way I constantly dwelled on Ginny, my parents and Sirius was hopeless and I knew that within the depths of my heart. Liv's presence did not help the grieving process.  
  
I really hated counselling sessions with Dr Bell. They were similar to Professor Snape's Occulumency lessons back in my fifth year. Dr Bell prodded and poked at my brain and my state of insanity by firing questions at me, which required me to re-open my wounds so she could rub salt on them. I couldn't help but predict that she would want me to talk more about my loved ones today, rather than perform the cryptic mind games which would enable to subconsciously get in touch with my inner anger. It was either that or she would give me a good tongue lashing about last night.   
  
Ten slow minutes later I approached the doorframe of her office and leaned casually against it, feigning ultimate confidence. I was early, which was a surprise on her behalf.  
  
"I've arrived," I said.  
  
"I've noticed," said Dr Bell coolly. She then inclined her head towards the recliner, thus indicating to me to take a seat. So I did.  
  
"Now," she cleared her throat and resumed, "today we're going to take it a step further and jump into the deep end."  
  
What did I tell you? She was going to go for the nose five and force me to talk about my loved ones without beating around the bush.   
  
"I want you to talk about your relationship with Olivia Hunter."  
  
Now THAT got my attention.  
  
"Uh, excuse me?"  
  
"Olivia Hunter," Dr Bell repeated. "I've noticed lately that the two of you have become relatively close."  
  
"I don't know about that," I said sardonically. "She seemed reluctant to tell me something earlier on."  
  
Dr Bell raised her eyebrows to her hairline and scribbled hastily on her piece of parchment. I noticed that she didn't use the Quick Quotes spell this time and I wondered why.  
  
"I couldn't help but think that Olivia looks a lot like Ginny Weasley," she continued grimly.  
  
"So?" I asked.  
  
"So," said Dr Bell, placing an emphasis on the word, "I couldn't help but make an observation."  
  
"And what may that observation be?" I wisecracked.  
  
"That the mere presence of Miss Hunter ultimately halts your process of recovery to mental health," Dr Bell replied.   
  
I paused for a moment and inhaled deeply. The air I breathed was glazed with the think tension that hovered between the two of us. She was a fool for treading on dangerous ground, for she was making assumptions about which were definitely not true. I was not obsessed with Liv, despite what she thought.  
  
"What are you getting at?" I asked her.  
  
"Do you think that this has something to do with your grieving for Ginny?"  
  
"No," I snapped immediately. "I don't know what you're playing at here."  
  
"I think I do," Dr Bell said. "You're reluctant to let go of the past."  
  
"That doesn't make me crazy," I said snappishly.   
  
"I never said you were crazy," said Dr Bell soothingly.  
  
My eyes widened in bewilderment as a shot up straight in my chair. I couldn't believe my ears. Did she just say that she never said that I was crazy?  
  
"Isn't this a mental institution?" I asked nastily.  
  
"This is a mental correctional facility asylum," Dr Bell corrected me.  
  
"Isn't this the place where all the crazy people go?" I said.  
  
"This is a place where volunteer patients seek refuge in order to recover from a mental breakdown or to correct mental disorders."  
  
"This is a mental institution then," I cried. We were getting off topic but I didn't care. I couldn't believe that this woman was being hypocritical.   
  
Dr Bell sighed out of frustration and leaned back in her chair. "Mr Potter, I would like to discuss something with you and then you will be free to do whatever you want for the rest of the day. Do you mind co-operating with me today?"  
  
"Fine," I replied. "Do whatever it is you have to do."  
  
"I want you to tell me about your time with Ginny," Dr Bell demanded.  
  
"I don't know if I want to," I told her.  
  
"I think you should."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"What was it that you liked about her?" Dr Bell asked, brushing aside my question.  
  
"I already told you, I don't want to."  
  
"Mr Potter-."  
  
"I. Don't. Want. To."  
  
"Does Liv remind you of Ginny at all?"  
  
I knew she was going to do this. She was going to twist my words around and use it against me. She was going to say that my friendship with Liv was nothing but a maniacal obsession in order to live the days when I was happy again. The reason why I usually never participated co-operatively with her in therapy sessions was because I refused to give her ammunition to destroy me. Dr Bell may have called it 'helping me recover' but she was just going to humiliate me.   
  
"No," I finally replied. "Liv is much different to Ginny. She may look like her physically but in reality they are two worlds apart. No, they're really different."  
  
For the first time since my stay at Silverwater, it looked as though I stumped Dr Bell. She paused in mid-action for a few moments before she cocked her head to one side contemplatively. "That's interesting," she said.  
  
"It's the truth," I told her.   
  
A heavy silence hovered between the two of us, before Dr Bell shattered it, asking if I wanted to proceed."  
  
"There's nothing more I want to say," I told her, "unless you can think of some other way to analyse my brain. You know," a new thought had just occurred to me. "Why do we have to bother with all this? Couldn't you just perform Legilimency on me or something?"  
  
"I am not a Legilimens," Dr Bell replied. "Also, I don't think it is an appropriate way of doing things around here."  
  
"Fair enough," I replied. "Are we done? Can I leave?"  
  
"I want to say one more thing," she said, placing her hand up in front of her to stop me. "I have been observing your reluctance to let go and move on rather intensively. It's rather frustrating when you think about it. The loss of some of your friends – like Cedric Diggory, your godfather and your girlfriend really has destroyed you -."  
  
"No they didn't!" I protested  
  
"From what I can see," she continued, "you denied the fact that Ginny died initially. You refused to believe it because you had so many losses in life already. Therefore, you didn't grieve properly."  
  
I glared at her but in my mind and heart I knew that she was right. She was a psychiatrist after all. Dr Bell saw me glare at her so she reprimanded me almost instantly.  
  
"I don't know what it is with you," she sighed. "I am here trying to help you recover and resume a normal life-."  
  
"I'll never have a normal life," I remarked. "I'm Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, remember?"  
  
"Well," said Dr Bell, "as normal as humanly possible then."  
  
"Yeah, right," I said unpleasantly.  
  
"Mr Potter!"  
  
"I'm leaving," I announced and then I got up from the recliner and headed for the door.  
  
"You are NOT pulling that same stunt on me!" Dr Bell snapped. "I demand that you sit back down this instant!"  
  
I obeyed reluctantly, without a fight.  
  
"Right … we are going to finish this session whether you like it or not. I'm not done yet!"  
  
"We've almost finished," I cried exasperatedly. "You asked a question and I answered. What more do you want."  
  
"I just said to you that I wasn't finished," she said angrily through gritted teeth. I could see from my end of the table that the blood vessel in her brain was going to burst.   
  
"I get your point," I snapped. "Stay away from Liv if I wanted to keep my body and soul intact."  
  
"I never said that," Dr Bell cried. "All I'm saying is that I'm intrigued by your relationship with her but at the same time I am a little bit worried. Therefore I am trying to come up with a compromise where you can have the best of both worlds. Are you with me?"  
  
I nodded my head solemnly. Secretly, I was ashamed of my behaviour towards Dr Bell. Of course, I wasn't going to tell her that.  
  
"Alright," she shuffled around for a little bit. "All I'm asking is to not become romantically involved with her. Given the state she is in, she is fragile when it comes to complicated and very intense emotions. I'm also thinking about your emotional wellbeing."  
  
Once again I nodded but it didn't make any sense to me. I made a mental note to talk to Liv later on. I needed to know why Dr Bell would propose such a resolution and I wanted to know what was behind the whole fiasco this morning.  
  
"That is all I summoned you for this morning," said Dr Bell. "You may go."  
  
"What?" I asked. "There isn't any more?"  
  
"No," Dr Bell replied simply. "There will be more during you normal session."  
  
I immediately left the office soon afterwards. She never intended to get on my nerves and to a normal person, the experience wouldn't have been as aggravating but she really pressed a nerve in me. It was like she was implying that I was some sick, twisted person obsessed with Ginny.  
  
Maybe I was.  
  
Anyway, as soon as I turned the corridor in which my room was in, I came face to face with Liv. Rather, I literally bumped into her.  
  
"Sorry," she stammered as she regained her composure.   
  
"It's okay," I said.  
  
"I was looking for you, actually,' she added.  
  
"Yeah, I was too," I replied. "What's with what happened this morning? What was it that you wanted to tell me?"  
  
Liv didn't reply. Instead, she planted a kiss on my mouth.   
  
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Please review  
  
Next Chapter: Confessions Made to an Idiot. 


	12. Chapter Twelve: Confessions Made To An I...

Chapter Twelve – Confessions Made to an Idiot  
  
What in GOD's name was she doing?  
  
It was as if my head exploded. I had never felt this kind of emotion for a long time. If I was going to be true to myself, I didn't want to feel this way for a long time, so I made myself immune to it … and now that it was happening again …  
  
Liv finally broke our kiss and I was left gasping for air. Suddenly, the expression on her face changed. She looked fearful all of a sudden.  
  
I didn't know what to make of that. What was I supposed to do? I suppose the most logical proposal was to kiss her back in return but I didn't do that. Why? Because I am a bloody, clueless idiot.  
  
To make things worse, Regan and another man, perhaps from another ward approached the two of us. The man, who looked much older than Regan proceeded to prop her up against the wall and they began kissing like hormone-charged schoolchildren. Goodness, being an excessive flirt in Regan's case was one thing. Being overtly horny was another. I kind of wished the both of them would stop. They weren't really making things easier for Liv and me.  
  
Suddenly, Liv spoke.  
  
"I'm sorry," she apologised. "I just HAD to know."  
  
"Had to know what?" I asked.  
  
Liv plonked herself on a nearby chair and kneaded her forehead with her hand.  
  
"I should have known," she said quietly with a defeated tone in her voice. "I should have known that you didn't feel the same way." Liv peered at me with disappointment in her eyes. "You didn't kiss back," she whispered.  
  
"What did you want to prove?" I asked. As soon as those words escaped my lips, I began dreading the answer.  
  
"Can't you tell?" she said softly. "Over the past week or so I've developed feelings for you. I didn't want to, of course. I knew you were still grieving and I know how hard it is. I didn't want to do this to myself, because I didn't want to get hurt like I did so many times before. I should have confirmed your feelings for me first before I did anything too quickly."  
  
How could she have feelings for me? I barely knew her and she barely knew me! She ended up rambling in a nervous manner and once again she wasn't being clear in her message.  
  
"I shouldn't be in love with you," Liv said, reading my mind (not literally of course).  
  
I didn't know what to make of that. You can't control complicated emotions such as this. Complicated emotions … complicated emotions … complicated emotions …  
  
"Liv," I said suddenly out of the blue. "I have to ask you something."  
  
"What is it?" she asked. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Regan and the man pause momentarily and look at us. I wished they would go away altogether.  
  
"I was just talking to Dr Bell earlier," I replied, "and she was talking about our … friendship."  
  
"And …"  
  
"And, well, er, she let it slip to me that you have trouble dealing with complicated emotions. Will you elaborate for me? What does she mean by complicated emotions?"  
  
Liv looked as though she was annoyed that Dr Bell had divulged in information about her which was meant to be confidential but she didn't say anything.  
  
"It's true," she said. "I have issues with relating to other people. That was one of the reasons why I was sent here. My parents thought that I was bringing shame on myself. I hated living so much so I ceased to live … I just existed. I didn't want to live, but I didn't want to die."  
  
At that instant I had another 'Ginny' attack. I noticed lately that they had become frequent. When Liv said that she didn't want to die, it reminded me of Ginny's last words to me:  
  
_"I don't want to die. It's too soon."_  
  
I noticed later that I hadn't been listening to what Liv was saying, but I got the distinct impression that she was trying to explain about how she became very depressed. I only noticed now that she was rambling once again.  
  
"Liv," I said. "You don't need to say anything else anymore. I get your point." When I said I got her point, I was lying. I didn't know what she was going through and I didn't think anyone could know but I had a fair idea.   
  
Liv took my words as an invitation to sob uncontrollably onto my shoulder. In the end my shoulders were drenched with tears.  
  
Suddenly, I realised that we had steered away from the topic of her 'love' for me. In my mind, she was too naïve to be in love with me. I wasn't in love with her. I was still grieving for my dead girlfriend.  
  
I offered to escort Liv to her room and she accepted the offer gratefully, so we walked to her room in silence. When we reached there eventually, I bade her farewell and walked back to my room, complete with tension etching in my chest area. I felt really guilty. I wasn't making any excuses for her but Liv was a fragile person and when she declared her love for me, I didn't say anything. I merely changed the subject. I definitely broke her heart.  
  
When I opened the door I found Hedwig perched on top of her bird cage with a letter in her beak. Hermione mention to me that she was going to write as soon as possible and I guessed that this was it.  
  
"Hey Hedwig," I greeted as I relieved the letter from her clutches. "Good to see you."  
  
Hedwig responded with a doleful hoot.  
  
"You're the only one who likes me for who I am," I said to her, where really I was just talking out loud. "Liv loves me supposedly, but she doesn't know me. Ron hates my guts and Hermione is kind of caught in the middle. She usually tries to be diplomatic in situations like these but I guess she's too naïve to realise that being diplomatic is impossible at the moment. You have be cut-throat and harsh."  
  
Hedwig responded with another doleful hoot that made me suspect that she might've actually understood what I was talking about. After all, being in the wizard world and taking in consideration as to how intelligent my owl actually was, I wouldn't have been surprised if she actually could understand me.  
  
I said nothing more as I tore into the envelope and fished out Hermione's letter.  
  
_Dearest Harry,  
  
This is just a letter to say that I am deeply disappointed in how you view our intentions and your attitude in general. You really have changed, Harry. Whatever happened to the noble, sweet, caring boy I knew before? I know you've been through so much ever since the Second War but keep in mind that Ron and I have had our fair share of troubles too. We also loved Sirius and Ginny and we miss them dreadfully. Harry, for your sake more than ours, please get yourself together. Always remember that we're your friends and we love your very much. You know as well as I do that Ron isn't happy with you at the moment but deep inside he is hurt that such a great friendship had ended after so long.  
  
Harry, I love you. Always remember that.  
  
Hermione_  
  
How dare she! Out of fury I scrunched up Hermione's letter and threw it out the window. I hurriedly grabbed a roll of parchment, an inkwell and a quill from Vasco's desk and wrote:  
  
_Dear Hermione,  
  
Screw you.  
  
Harry._  
  
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Please review  
Short chapter, I know. I promise you, this DOES go somewhere and we're almost finished now. There are only four more chapters to go so we're nearing the end  
Next chapter: Regan 


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Regan

Alright, maybe I should do this before I get my teeth kicked in:  
  
The line Liv says, "I just ceased to live so I just exist" is actually from "Depression Unknown" by Lux TAYLOR (not Tayer) where Simon says, "Mercedes can't live without her Blair so she doesn't … she just exists."  
  
The whole concept of Group Therapy appears in John Marsden's "Checkers"  
  
The first scene where Harry is a pig to Dr Bell is also inspired by "Depression Unknown" where Taylor is a pig to Dr Hooper. In the story Taylor opens up more to Dr Hooper than Harry does to Dr Bell. Well, the whole 'inkblots' dialogue … that is entirely me.   
  
THis chapter is rater Pg-13 bordering on R for ... well, you'll see. THis is the ruddy chapter I've been agonising over for months. And for those who are reading 'The Hogwarts Memoir Book' I do have the MWPP version written in my scrapbook ... I just have to find it *grins sheepishly*  
  
As usual, thanks for your reviews  
  
Chapter Thirteen - Regan  
  
Hermione's letter left me in a bad mood for the rest of the week and all those around me at Silverwater noticed. Liv chose to stay away from me which was rather predictable considering how I had been insensitive to her feelings. Vasco didn't talk to me, for he feared that I would eat him alive if he did. Malfoy (who was still sporting a purple eye) never spoke to me anyway, so his ignoring me didn't have such a huge impact at all. Like always, he resumed his favourite past time of glowering at me and snarling, which was rather unattractive.  
  
While eating breakfast one morning, Vasco came rushing into the dining room carrying a scarlet envelop etched between his thumb and his index finger. He was acting as though it was going to burn him if he held it for a prolonged period of time.  
  
"Harry!" he cried out. "Take it now and open it!"  
  
I hastily grabbed the Howler from him and opened it. Suddenly, Ron's voice rung through the dining room:  
  
"HOW DARE YOU WRITE SUCH A THING TO HERMIONE? DO YOU KNOW HOW UPSET YOU MADE HER? MERLIN ONLY KNOWS HOW LONG SINCE WE SENT YOU TO SILVERWATER AND WE EXPECTED MORE FROM YOU! WE DON'T NEED YOUR ATTITUDE! SHE WAS ONLY TRYING TO TELL YOU HOW SHE REALLY FELT WITHOUT BRINGING YOU DOWN! I WANT YOU TO WRITE TO HER AND APOLOGISE STRAIGHT AWAY!"  
  
And with that, the letter burst into flames and curled into ashes.  
  
This was followed by a stunned silence, in which everyone from all the wards stared at me with bewildered expressions on their faces. I wished that they would stop and look away.  
  
Embarrassed, I solemnly walked out of the dining room and found solace in the common room. I really hated Howlers with a passion. I remembered feeling my insides burn with guilt when Ron received his Howler in second year after the Whomping Willow incident. Well, this felt much worse. I felt as though a blade was swinging side to side above my head. In attempt to push it out of my mind, I reached over and read another outdated copy of The Quibbler.  
  
Thankfully I wasn't scheduled for any therapy appointments and there was also no group therapy. In actual fact, both appointments were scheduled the next day.   
  
The Quibbler wasn't arousing any interest in me at all so I groaned audibly and buried my face in my hands. Guilt was already beginning to overpower me and engulf me whole. It was about time before I realised it for myself: I was being utterly ungrateful and I had to be humiliated in order to realise that. Ron and Hermione really did care and all I was doing was being an ungrateful idiot. I feared then that there was nothing I could do to redeem myself. The damage had been done.   
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
I looked up from my hands and saw Liv edge towards me and sit down.  
  
"Grand," I said morosely.   
  
"I'm really sorry about earlier," she cooed as she placed an arm around my shoulders.  
  
"Why are you sorry?" I asked. Yeah, why was she sorry?  
  
"I'm sorry because you had to undergo that humiliating ordeal," Liv replied. "I hate Howlers."  
  
"Me too," I replied.  
  
Liv looked as though she didn't know what to say. Her hands played around her lap as her fingers intertwined with each other. "The rest of them are still eating," she said softly. "What about you? Are you still hungry?"  
  
I shook my head in response.  
  
"Neither am I …"  
  
Liv sighed, wrapped her arms around me and placed her head on my shoulder. I knew then that danger signals were ringing loud and clear. As soon as Liv reached out for my hand, I sprung to my feet and walked hastily towards my room. No, I couldn't interact with her this way, especially since I had another dream about Ginny the night before.  
  
"What's the matter?" Liv cried as she followed me. From the look on her face, she looked incredibly hurt. "Harry, what's wrong?"  
  
"I have to be alone," I replied.  
  
"Why?" Liv asked. She placed a hand tentatively on my shoulder and I immediately jerked away.  
  
"It's just wrong," I cried. "I can't be doing this!"  
  
"What do you mean?" Liv asked, bamboozled. She had no idea what I was talking about and neither did I. "What can't you be doing?"  
  
"Liv, I can't see you anymore," I replied. I sounded like I was a character in one of Aunt Petunia's soaps breaking up with his girlfriend.   
  
"What?" Liv cried.  
  
"I can't see you anymore," I repeated for her. "I can't see you because every time I look at you I see my dead girlfriend."  
  
"What do you mean-."  
  
"I mean exactly what it means," I yelled at her face. "I can't see you anymore. Can't you understand?"  
  
"Why are you yelling at me?"  
  
"I'm NOT YELLING AT YOU!"  
  
"You are!"  
  
"I'm NOT!" I exclaimed. I paused for a moment before I continued again, "Liv, listen. I'm really sorry but I've had an extremely bad morning."  
  
"That may be the case," she said softly, "but that's no excuse to treat everybody else like garbage."  
  
Those words stung me particularly. Was I really treating people like garbage?   
  
"Look, you're a nice girl and everything but at the moment we have to stay away from each other."  
  
I didn't know why I was saying this only now. I should have avoided her entirely in the first place …  
  
"Harry," said Liv. "I need to know something right now … I told you yesterday that I had feelings for you and last night I had been agonising over whether or not you feel the same way. I have to know now before I go crazy … do you have feelings for me?"  
  
What was I supposed to say? I couldn't lie straight to her face. It would only complicate things further. So I told her the truth.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said solemnly as I shook my head. "I have to be honest with you. I don't feel the same way."  
  
A woman with extreme confidence would have taken it all to her stride, smile and say 'Well, I'm thankful that you're honest with me,' and walk off. However, being the naïve and foolish girl she was, tears spilled down Liv's cheeks as her lower lip trembled.  
  
"Why are you crying?" I cried exasperatedly, whereas I knew that it was my fault that she was crying. I had said those poison words to her.  
  
I half expected Liv to spring onto her feet and cry, 'How dare you!' but instead she rose from the couch and walked away slowly. Suddenly, guilt overpowered me once again.   
  
What WAS wrong with me? I felt as though I no longer had the ability to think rationally for myself.   
  
Sighing and feeling downtrodden, I marched slowly to my room, where I plunged myself onto my bed and skimmed through my photo album again.  
  
~**~  
  
I ended up staying in my room for the entire day, with no contact with everyone else. Vasco didn't come into our room until before dinner time and when he did he marched in with a huge phoney grin on his face.  
  
"Why are you so happy?" I snapped.  
  
"I managed to get black market Firewhiskies," he replied. That grin seemed to be planted firmly on his face and it refused to budge. It made him look like a clown. "Are you up for it tonight?"  
  
According to my knowledge, Vasco always did this whenever he could. I never usually joined him and Jai. I wasn't much of a drinker.  
  
"How have you been sneaking in alcohol without arousing suspicion?" I asked.  
  
"My ex-girlfriend invented this charm which enables her to send alcohol this way," Vasco replied.  
  
"You know," I said, "your ex-girlfriend could actually invent a charm that would get you out of here. It would be more useful. Escaping from here would be more worthwhile than just getting drunk."  
  
"Tried that," Vasco told me. "As you can see, it didn't work. Besides, what's the point? I'm to be discharged in a couple of days, man!"  
  
"Lucky you," I said sans enthusiasm.  
  
"So, are you up for it?"  
  
"No," I replied.  
  
"Okay, it's your loss."   
  
Vasco chuckled slightly and ruffled my hair. He did this as if I was a cute little schoolboy. I was at one stage of my life but now not anymore. Within seconds, he was gone.  
  
An hour after Vasco left, I found myself completely bored with absolutely nothing to do. I was sick of looking at photos. I wanted to ask Regan if I could borrow her copy of The Iliad but I refused to venture out of the room. I feared that I would have to face Liv and that was the last thing I wanted to do.  
  
Suddenly, the door swung open and Draco Malfoy graced the doorframe, complete with that same stupid smirk on his face.  
  
"What do you want?" I snapped.  
  
"As much as I'd like to bury you alive right now for no apparent reason," the blond drawled, "I am merely here to deliver a message."  
  
"Then deliver it and get out," I said harshly.   
  
"Dr Bell told me that we're going to have a counselling session together tomorrow," Malfoy replied. "She then told me to relay the message to you." "Why?" I cried. "Who does she think she is, some sort of sadist or something?"  
  
"I don't like it any more than you do," Malfoy said, "but that's life."   
  
He disappeared (thankfully.)  
  
I was really frustrated after that. One bad thing kept happening after another. I lied back on my bed and prayed to every deity that existed that I would be left alone.  
  
Unfortunately my prayers weren't answered. The door swung open again and Regan Zabini stepped into the room.  
  
"Leave me alone!" I exclaimed. I really didn't give a flying fork if she came in here to cheer me up.  
  
"Why?" Regan asked. "I just wanted to know how you were doing."  
  
"I feel like crap," I said heatedly. "Leave me alone."  
  
In contrary to my requests, Regan proceeded to tickle my ribs. That brought her great joy; it annoyed the bejesus out of me.  
  
"Stop it!" I cried as I batted her hand away. "I've had a rotten day."  
  
Regan pouted playfully and then lied down next to me. "That Howler, hey?" he asked. "What did you do to get one?"  
  
"That's none of your business" I replied harshly.  
  
"Is that what's bothering you?" she pressed on.  
  
"That, and the fact that I have therapy with Malfoy tomorrow."  
  
"Oh yeah, that," said Regan. "Dr Bell's doing some other experimental thing. She said that she's picking partners randomly but if you ask me I think she's doing it to watch us suffer."  
  
"Who's your partner?" I asked.  
  
"Vasconcelos," Regan replied. I laughed at the thought of the two of them in the same room together, "Dreadful, huh?" Regan added.  
  
"But Vasco will be discharged soon," I informed her. "Who'll be you partner then?"  
  
"I dunno," Regan replied. "I'm kind of hoping you would be."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You're the only one I can actually tolerate here," she said. "Vasconcelos is bloody annoying. Jai is just too weird for me. Amelie doesn't really talk to me much and neither does Liv."  
  
"What about Malfoy?"  
  
Regan propped herself up on her elbows and raised her eyebrows. "Did you have to ask?" she said in a low tone.  
  
"Everyone hates Malfoy, I get the point."  
  
"You know," Regan began. "You're not as cold and aloof as you make yourself out to be."  
  
Where did THAT come from? Now SHE was being my counsellor.  
  
"You have to learn how to look at yourself in a new light," she said as she ran a hand through my messy hair. "In that way, your life would be much better."  
  
Why was she playing 'Psychiatrist and Patient' with me? Was this her new seduction technique?  
  
"I've had a rotten day and a rotten life," I said angrily. "I think it's a little late for that."  
  
Regan stopped playing with my hair and peered into my eyes seductively. "I know one way to make your day end with a bang." She then leaned down and planted a long kiss on my lips. Tongue action was even involved. Well, that was presumptuous of her. I was too tired to resist. Besides, it felt good.  
  
"That is," she purred, "if you don't object. How do you feel about sex with no strings attached?" Regan smiled smugly as she propped her head on my arm and ran a hand up and down my chest.   
  
"I don't know…" I replied. I wasn't ready to do that … yet. Heck, kissing Liv almost killed me! Perhaps screwing Regan would make the whole world explode.  
  
"You know how I told you that I was waiting for you to get laid," she told me. "Well, Harry Potter, I'm tired of waiting. I'm going to be the one that will deflower you."  
  
"That," I smirked, "and you're horny."  
  
Regan cocked her head to one side and giggled mischievously. "Gee, you are smart Harry Potter."  
  
"Well, it's not hard to figure out," I said to her. "Considering that you tend to … get around."  
  
Regan's eyes widened and she slapped me playfully across the shoulder, "What are you implying?" she cried.  
  
"It depends on how you look at it," I replied. "You can decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing."   
  
"Well, I can be your whore for tonight." She kissed me once again and it felt better this time.   
  
Suddenly, I didn't give a flying flip about anything anymore. I didn't care if I was still grieving. I didn't care if my next actions were going to result in serious consequences, so I straddled her on me and grabbed her hips. I wanted to feel good again and nothing was going to stand in my way. Besides, it was about time I lost my virginity.  
  
"No," I replied. "I have no objections anymore."  
  
Regan smiled happily and kissed me again.  
  
Little did I know that Liv was at the door, listening to every word.  
  
*******************************************************************   
  
Please review  
  
Next chapter: Too Young To Leave 


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Too Young To Leave

Amethyststar's: You're back! I wondered where you got too. THanks for the review. This chapter has a higher rating because of ... well, the colourful language.  
  
**Chapter Fourteen – Too Young To Leave**  
  
The one thing that I had been saving myself for until my wedding to Ginny was gone at an instant. When I woke up the next morning, I looked at Regan, sleeping soundly beside me and felt indifferent to the whole situation. I was sick of feeling guilty so I didn't but I knew that the guilt would have come eventually and it was going to knee me in the groin.  
  
I looked at Regan again, sighed, got out of bed and got dressed. I was extremely hungry and worn out from last night. I wondered what Vasco thought when he came to bed earlier this morning, drunk off his face.  
  
Unfortunately I had therapy with Malfoy that morning. Hence, that was why I was sitting on a chair next to him two hours later, glaring at him.  
  
"I heard you had a great time last night," Malfoy sniggered.   
  
How on earth did he find out? "And your point is?"  
  
"I'm just making a friendly comment,' Malfoy replied nonchalantly as he could.  
  
"You're Draco Malfoy," I said. "You don't know the meaning of the word 'friendly'".   
  
"And you are knowledgeable about everything now?"  
  
"That's right."  
  
"You were always stupid Potter," Malfoy smirked. "I don't see how that can be."  
  
"If my memory serves me correctly," I began coolly, "I bashed the crap out of you last week. Therefore that makes me a genius."  
  
"Shut up Potter."  
  
"Make me."  
  
"I'll punch you out."  
  
"You wouldn't dare."  
  
"I would."  
  
Suddenly, Malfoy dove over to me, grabbed my collar and brought my face close to his. He was so full of anger and rage that I actually saw froth bubbling in the corners of his mouth.  
  
"I can make you suffer," Malfoy sneered. "My father was Lucius Malfoy and he's in St Mungo's on the tenterhooks of death, after all. Last week was just a fluke for you. Even without my wand I can make you scream out for your mother!"  
  
"Don't you dare make any reference to my mother" I spat. "Your tongue is so filthy it isn't worthy of such a thing."  
  
"Well then," said Malfoy as he let me go. "What about your dead girlfriend then?"  
  
"Her either," I replied.   
  
"Well," said Malfoy. "I don't think you are worthy of saying her name either. It had been two months since the little Weasel died and already you're stuffing another woman like a turk-."[1]   
  
I had had enough by then. My tolerance level was waning and when Malfoy said those words, I snapped completely. Henceforth, I grabbed his head and slammed it against the wall. The impact of the collision was so great that I had made a hole in the wall.  
  
"Merlin's Beard, Potter!" Malfoy screeched as he popped his head out and rubbed it. "What the hell is wrong with you?"  
  
Just in time, Dr Bell finally came. When she did, she looked at the hole on the wall, at Malfoy and then at me.  
  
"The walls are paper-thin," I protested. "I don't think I did much damage to him. He's still conscious after all."  
  
Dr Bell wore an expression on her face which was grim and unresponsive to the situation. "I'm not worried about the wall or Mr Malfoy at the moment Mr Potter. I should tell you this now rather than later. You might want to take a seat."  
  
Uh oh, this wasn't good.  
  
"Something happened this morning," said Dr Bell. She made no delay in informing me of bad news this time, "This morning, Olivia Hunter was found in her bathroom, dead. Upon my observation it looks as though she killed herself."  
  
I knew she was emotionally messed up but it never occurred to me that she would kill herself. My limbs froze as my brain went into a state of shock. I couldn't believe that she was actually dead. Well, I didn't believe it at first but realisation sunk in rather quickly. Suddenly, I wanted to ask Dr Bell how she did it, so I did.  
  
"Do you really want me to tell you how, Mr Potter?" she asked.  
  
"Yes," I replied. "I have to know."  
  
"It appears she poisoned herself," Dr Bell replied. "She left a note. I was wondering if you could help me unscrambled the message Mr Potter because it seems to be very vague. You were the only one she opened up to amongst all those in the Joseph Heller ward."  
  
I couldn't speak then. I was in such a state of shock that my voiced seemed to have temporarily disappeared.  
  
"Very well," I said when I eventually found my voice. "I'll see what I can do."   
  
Dr Bell nodded solemnly and walked out of the room, leaving Malfoy and I in an eerily painful silence. I glanced at Malfoy and mentally challenged him to retort some sarcastic remark. I expected him to find a way to twist the situation around and put the blame on me. Surprisingly, he did not say a word. I was a clear indicator of how dire the situation was. His face was as clear as day; Draco Malfoy was stunned.   
  
Trembling from head to toe, I walked out of Dr Bell's office and walked down the long, twisting corridor leading to Liv and Regan's room. I kind of hoped that they removed her body from the room. I really didn't want to see the mess for myself.   
  
When I did enter the room, I found Dr Bell and one of the nurses who restrained Malfoy on his arrival here and another man inside. The man looked as though he was a ministry official as he was wearing elaborate robes of deep purple and was carrying as scroll of parchment and a quill.  
  
"Mr Potter," said Dr Bell. "The note is on her bedside table." She pointed at a small folded piece of parchment neatly perched on top. I reached out for it, opened it and read:  
  
_I said I didn't want to die but you gave me no choice. I cannot live a life where I am constantly trampled on and treated like a non-entity. I saw what you did last night, how could you do this to me? I guess this is farewell forever._  
  
Those words burned through my eyes and into my memory bank. I knew for sure that they would remain there for the rest of my life. Tentatively and cautiously, I peered over at Liv's body, which was propped up on her bed and covered with a single white sheet.  
  
"How did she get hold of poison?" I asked. Tears brimmed in my eyes and I choked back a sob. I didn't want to cry so I held it all back. How could she do this to herself? In my opinion, her reason behind killing herself was rather petty. People kill themselves for worse reasons. How can somebody take their own life over something as trivial as unrequited love?  
  
Dr Bell shook her head in reply, "I have no idea, Mr Potter," she replied solemnly. "Frank here has just sent an owl to the ministry and a letter to the Muggle Coroner. Perhaps either Frank or the coroner may have answers for us."  
  
"Ma'am," began Frank as he stepped forward. "Perhaps I should remove the sheet in order to examine the cause of death more closely."  
  
The nurse stepped forward and made to remove the sheet when I let out a strangled cry of reluctance.  
  
"No!" I cried. "I don't want to see her."   
  
The nurse froze in mid-action and then withdrew his hand quickly.  
  
"Very well," said Dr Bell. "Mr Potter, are you able to unscramble the message?"  
  
"Yes," I replied. "From what I can gather, the message was addressed to me. I don't want to reveal its true intent."  
  
Dr Bell replied by nodding her head slowly and steadily.  
  
I couldn't stay in that room any longer, so I ran out of there as fast as I could. As I ran, tears threatened to overcome me and spill out onto my cheeks. I hated almost everything about my life. I hated Ron and Hermione for caring enough about me to know what is right for me. I hated Ginny for dying. I hated leukaemia for killing people. I hated Voldemort for being a bastard. I hated Liv for killing herself. I hated Dumbledore for sending me to a life of isolation for ten years only to hunt me down and thrust me in a world so hell-bent that only the fittest survived.  
  
Most of all, I hated myself.  
  
~**~  
  
I was acting like a typical angst-ridden teenager but at the time I didn't care. How could everything come crashing down on me once again? Liv and I had a good friendship but everything became complicated when she declared her 'love' for me. In actual fact, everything went downhill as soon as I let Regan Zabini have a peep into my bed.   
  
Throughout the duration of the day I refused to talk to anyone. I locked myself in mine and Vasco's room and wouldn't let him in for different reasons. He wanted to have a shower. He wanted to use our loo. He wanted to get his Quaffle. I refused him entry anyway.  
  
When I did come out later that day (when it was almost dinnertime) I didn't come to dinner for I couldn't face them. Instead, I found a nice, secluded spot in Silverwater Gardens and drowned in my sorrows in a melodramatic way. As expected, the extreme shock that followed Liv's death had not worn off by far; fragments still remained.  
  
Liv's body was taken away this morning, so I heard from Dr Bell. That day, Dr Bell's face was as white as the walls within. Before she told me something that I should have known for a long time. Liv was under suicide watch as she was bipolar. I had a hard time believing it for myself. From what I heard, those suffering from bipolar depression usually swung wildly from intense elation to severe depression. I didn't see it. If only I had known. Now she was dead and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.  
  
After Liv's untimely death the desire to get away from Silverwater was pre-eminent. I didn't care what Ron and Hermione said, being here was definitely not for my own good. I was beginning to think it was but I quickly changed my mind. After all, I wasn't THAT crazy and being here was eating me away.  
  
I managed to keep my head on my shoulders by pacing around the garden maniacally for hours on end. I never discovered so much about the Silverwater gardens until that particular night.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
I turned around with great haste and came face to face with Regan Zabini, the last person I wanted to see. Ever.  
  
"I'm really in the shit now, am I?" I said in a low voice.  
  
"I need to talk to you."  
  
"No you won't," I snapped.  
  
"I need to talk to you now," she said sternly. "I don't like your attitude with all of us at the moment. Look, I'm really sorry about Liv but that is no-."  
  
"Don't you DARE!" I snarled at her. "You don't have a right to be sorry. Liv is dead. She was only sixteen for god's sakes! She was younger than Ginny was when she died! Nobody should die that young. DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE SORRY! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"  
  
"What do you mean I have no right to be sorry?" Regan shot back. "I was just concerned because I knew that Liv was a good friend of yours."  
  
"Whore," I spat.  
  
Regan's eyes widened in astonishment. She folded her arms across her chest, "If I recall correctly," she began, "you said that you had no objections at all. Whatever it is you're harbouring you can't blame me."  
  
"It's not my fault! You initiated it!"  
  
"You are the master of your own actions, Harry Potter," Regan said sternly. "I don't know what is going through that head of yours but only Merlin knows that it's full of garbage!"  
  
"Why are you angry at me?" I asked her.  
  
"Did you REALLY have to ask that question?" Regan yelled. "The question is; why are you angry at ME?"  
  
"I'll say it again" I sneered, "you're a whore!"  
  
Regan's eyes widened once again before she slapped me across the face really hard. "Don't you DARE say that to me," she growled through gritted teeth. "The next time you say something like that to me you will wish you were never born."  
  
"It's a little late for that now, don't you think?" I asked her.  
  
"I don't care," she snapped.  
  
"Get away from me!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"GET LOST!"  
  
"What's going on here?" said a voice. Moments later, Vasco appeared from behind a tree. "I heard a lot of screaming so I decided to see what the toss was all about."  
  
"Vasconcelos, this is our business, not yours!" Regan cried exasperatedly. "Do you mind leaving us alone?"  
  
"I was just catching up on reading," said Vasco. "I can't concentrate with you screaming the house down."  
  
"Then go inside!" Regan yelled. "Read there! Let me bash the fucking shit out of this bastard myself!"  
  
Vasco raised his eyebrow and let eyes travel from my blank expression to Regan's infuriated one. "And why is it that you want to bash the fucking shit out of him?"  
  
"You don't want to know," Regan replied.   
  
"I think I do," said Vasco. "If it involves hurting Harry in any way, then I think I want to know about it."  
  
Regan uttered a groan in aggravation and grabbed clumps of her hair, "Vasconcelos, think about what this idiot has done to you and think about what he has done to me! Today he thought only of himself and locked you out of your room. You couldn't bathe or brush your teeth until dinnertime! Merlin only knows why you didn't do that before breakfast but you had to walk around in your own grime for the most part of the day! Throughout his stay here he treated you and me like crap! He treated Liv like crap and he has the bloody nerve to be upset that she died!"  
  
"What is the matter with you?" I yelled at her stupid face.   
  
"Why bash him now?" Vasco asked Regan, ignoring my question. "Why didn't you bash him before then?"  
  
"He slept with me last night," Regan replied sardonically, "and now he's calling me a wh-."  
  
"I get the point," Vasco interjected. I expected him to tease me for finally losing my virginity but he didn't. "Do you really have to bash the crap out of him?"  
  
Regan had no time to reply. What happened next happened so fast that it was almost like a blur. Somebody had appeared out of nowhere, grabbed me by the collar and slammed me up against the wall repeatedly.   
  
"What's the matter with you, Potter?" the figure snarled.  
  
It took a while before I realised that it was Malfoy that was attacking me. Where did he come from?  
  
"What's the matter with you?" he barked.   
  
"Why do you care?" I retorted. "Why don't you take Zabini's advice and mind your own business."  
  
"You need a fucking wake up call!" Malfoy exclaimed. "I'm going to be the one that's going to give it to you."  
  
"Get your filthy hands off me."  
  
Malfoy reacted by slamming me up against the wall again. He did this over and over again to the extent that I could see stars flying around my head. "I can do whatever I want with these hands and what I'm going to do with them is get even with you."  
  
"Malfoy, that's enough," Regan cried. "This is between Harry and me. You and Vasconcelos should go back inside."  
  
"He put my head through a wall," Malfoy yelled.  
  
"And why are you having a cry about it?" I asked him. "Being the git you are, you should be used to it by now. Or are you afraid you can't get your daddy to come and eat me up for you? You should have thought of that before you bash him to death."  
  
"Shut up, Potter," Malfoy snapped.  
  
"Is that all you can say to me?"  
  
If I had known that Malfoy was very violent, I wouldn't have provoked him but as it was, he threw me to the ground and punched me in the face.  
  
What happened next happened in rapid succession that I barely had time to register what was happening. When I did, however, I realised that Vasco and Regan were yelling at Malfoy to stop as he punched away.  
  
I knew then that I was just getting a taste of my own medicine. That was when I started believing in karma and it was definitely biting me on the backside.   
  
"Why are you like this?" Regan screamed at me as she pried Malfoy off. "Malfoy, that's enough!" She then turned back to me and picked me up from the ground. "I want to get one thing straight with you. The rest of us are on the same boat as you. Our loved ones also placed us here because they thought it was for our own good. You're not the only crazy one here so get over yourself. From what I heard, you cracked after Ginny died, BIG DEAL!"  
  
I couldn't reply to her. I was trembling from head to foot. The tears were coursing down my face now because I couldn't suppress my emotions anymore. I wanted it all to stop and I didn't care what it took. I wiped my lip with the back of my hand and saw that it was stained with blood.  
  
"Look," said Vasco. "That's enough."  
  
"No!" Regan yelled.   
  
"Regan, that's enough," said Vasco slowly.  
  
"I want to know why he did what he did last night and I want to know why he's calling me a whore now!"  
  
"Fine!" I exploded. The tears were really pouring down my face now. "I'll tell you why I did what I did last night. I was upset and I wanted to feel on top of the world again and I didn't care how I was going to do it! Your invitation seemed so tempting so I took it! Are you happy? Liv killed herself because she saw us fucking each other's brains out – that's why I'm calling you a whore. And for the record, I didn't just 'crack'! Ron, Remus and Hermione sent me here to Silverwater because **I tried to raise Ginny from the dead!"**  
  
************************************************************  
  
Now it's up to you guys to decide where you classify that as 'loony'. I've been _dying_ to post this chapter for a long time. I don't know if raising the dead would be classified as loony but you have to admit, Harry NEEDED recovery from a mental breakdown because of that, don't you think? As always, please review.  
  
If you're asking why I placed those words in bold ... er, well, I wanted to reinforce the whole point of the story into your brains. *smiles*  
  
Next Chapter: Blood and More Blood.  
  
[1] From 'Liar Liar' 


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Blood and More Blood

As usual, thanks to all those who reviewed (AmethystStar's, Lady Jane Green). The issue of Harry being crazy here is ambiguous and vague, I do agree but really no one in Silverwater is crazy if you think about it. Think about that for a while, it'll give you something to ponder about. :)  
  
**Chapter Fifteen – Blood and More Blood**  
  
If the situation hadn't been so severe, I would have laughed at the expressions on their faces. They looked stunned.   
  
"You WHAT?" Regan cried.  
  
"He tried to raise-."  
  
"I KNOW, Vasconcelos," Regan snapped. "I am NOT stupid."  
  
"Well, you asked and -."  
  
"Shush!"  
  
All I could hear then was the sound of silence eating us away. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to fly away and I didn't care if doing it literally was the only way to go. If only I had a broom.  
  
Raising Ginny from the dead was the reason why Ron, Hermione and Lupin sent me to Silverwater in the first place. That was why Ron was really angry at me. Not only had I tried to exhume Ginny from her grave but I had dwelled in the dark arts. I didn't think he could forgive me for that.  
  
"I didn't think it was possible," Regan said in astonishment. "I always thought that raising the dead was impossible, even in the wizard world."  
  
"It should be, but it's not." said Vasco darkly. "Necromelens or the act of raising the dead has been tried and in some instances successful for many centuries by Dark Wizards. During the reign of You Know Who it wasn't really common, for he didn't really care for the dead. I can't remember the name of the spell but it's a long, complicated process that involves calling all guardians of the four sites of the Doomed Underworld and invoking different spirits and demons. You REALLY needed to be skilled in the dark arts to do this.  
  
"Once raised, the dead live eternally but they lived a cursed life. They were brought back from the dead and they breathed the air we breathed again but they remained in the skin in which they died in, rotting or not. Once raised, the former-dead have no trace of goodness within their souls anymore. They only know how to kill."   
  
Like Hermione back in our Hogwarts days, he sounded as though he had swallowed a whole textbook. Better yet, he sounded like he swallowed something found in the Restricted Section. I was astounded that Vasco was knowledgeable in this field of magic and then it occurred to me that I shouldn't have been surprised. He was an intelligent boy after all, even if he did act stupid sometimes. Apparently, Regan seemed surprised as well.  
  
"Since when did you acquire a brain?" she asked. Her response was a cold glare in her direction.  
  
"The question is, how?" Vasco asked me, ignoring Regan.  
  
I opened my mouth to answer his question but Malfoy had beaten me to it.  
  
"The spell most commonly used is Azarusley found in some book my dad harps on about," he said. I was also astounded by this. I always thought Malfoy was too busy admiring himself and his 'status' in the wizard world to take heed of knowledge. "The book itself is rare and is the ultimate source for Necromelens and Dark Magic in general. The question remains, Potter, is how you got your stinkin' hands on it in the first place."  
  
I didn't want to tell them how I managed to get my hands on the rare artefact. Vasco was wrong about one thing. Voldemort wanted the book and he wanted to use Azarusley, which was why Professor Dumbledore hid it away from him during the Second War. The discovery perked Voldemort's ears up and before we knew it, he wanted his grimy hands on it. Dumbledore was the only one who knew why Voldemort wanted it in the first place and was overly zealous in keeping it out of reach from him. Well, Dumbledore wasn't the only person who knew the reason behind Voldemort's desire.  
  
After Voldemort was defeated, the book (I had forgotten its name as well) was transferred to the Order of the Phoenix Headquarters under the watchful care of Lupin. It was an old artefact dating back to the time of Salazar Slytherin. And before you ask yes, Grimmauld Place remained headquarters even after Sirius died.  
  
"We're waiting for an answer," said Malfoy as he tapped his foot impatiently.  
  
"Dumbledore had it," I replied. "He had it during the Second War. As soon as Ginny died I found the book at Grimmauld Place. I studied it as intensely as I could within the time frame of two weeks. I didn't quite perfect it-."  
  
"What's Grimmauld Place?" Regan asked.  
  
"The Headquarters for Dumbledore's bloody secret society," Malfoy drawled.   
  
"How did you know-?" I asked before I was interrupted.  
  
"I'm the son of Narcissa Black Malfoy," Malfoy replied, "Who is the RIGHTFUL owner of the place."  
  
Yes, Narcissa did try to get her grimy claws on Grimmauld Place last year but that was an entirely different story. A really long story.  
  
"Excuse me," said Regan. "But go back a few steps here; what IS this book you're harping on about and all that business?"  
  
"I'm surprised you don't know, Zabini," said Malfoy. "Your father was a Death Eater after all."  
  
"I'm a Zabini disgrace, remember? I'm the 'good' Slytherin, the 'black sheep'." Regan scowled at him. "Are you going to answer me or what?"  
  
"We already told you," Vasco replied. "It's a way of raising the dead."  
  
"It's impossible to raise the dead!" Regan proclaimed in a Hermione-like manner.  
  
"It's not impossible," I said solemnly. "It's extremely difficult. Only wizards and witches skilled in the dark arts can do this."  
  
"But why?" Regan asked. Vasco and Malfoy hung around for an answer. "Why did you do it?"  
  
"I don't know!" I cried, shuddering from head to toe. "When Ginny died I cracked. I couldn't believe it! It was different this time. I couldn't save her from leukaemia. It wasn't as if she fell through the veil in the Department of Mysteries-."  
  
"What veil?" Regan asked.  
  
"Sssh," interjected Vasco. "Let him continue."  
  
"I thought for some reason that somebody 'up there' was punishing me for not saving all the people who died. They punished me by taking Ginny away from me so I wanted to bring her back from the dead. I didn't care if she was going to live a cursed life, I just wanted her back." I continued to sob even more. "This whole Voldemort disaster was all because of me. He wanted to rule the world and obliterate all Muggles and Muggleborns, fair enough but once he had heard that his ultimate downfall was at my hands alone …"  
  
I didn't have the energy to continue my rant. So instead, I slumped against a nearby wall and allowed the tears to fall silently.  
  
"Goodness me, Potter," said Malfoy in disbelief. "You're loonier than I though."  
  
"I second to that," Regan added. The two of them were unsympathetic towards me but out of the corner of my eye I saw Vasco's face soften slightly.   
  
"That's my story," I cried. "You may think I'm crazy but why on earth do you think I'm here in the first place?"  
  
"He has a point, you know," piped up Vasco.  
  
The three of them remained silent for what seemed like an eternity and like every other silence I had experience, they were deadly.  
  
"That doesn't make up for your crap attitude," Regan snapped. "You may be grieving for Ginny and the fact that you tried to raise her from the dead is a dead giveaway, but it does NOT excuse you for being a snotty brat."  
  
"Excuse me!" I bellowed. "I am NOT a brat!"  
  
"You call me names!" Regan shouted. "Why can't I call you a brat?"  
  
"Because I'm not a brat! You on the other hand are a wh-."  
  
I didn't get the chance to finish, for she had slapped me across the face again. Vasco dove forward and saved me from Regan's attack as she raised her hand once again.  
  
"I think the kid has ha enough bitch-slapping for tonight," he said. "Especially since Malfoy's done most of the bitch-slapping himself."  
  
"You're wrong, Vasconcelos." Malfoy said. "I don't think he's had enough." In one swift movement, Malfoy raised his fist and punched me hard on the nose. As he did this, I heard a stomach-churning crack. Seconds later, blood poured out of my nose like a running faucet.  
  
I didn't have enough energy in me to protest, so I was glad that Vasco did it for me.  
  
"What was that for?" he bellowed.  
  
"That was for beating me up the other night," Malfoy replied, before he slammed me to the ground like a wrestler. "And that was for putting my head through the wall." He then kicked me hard in the ribs, "and that was for being a self-centred pig."  
  
"Who are you calling a pig?" I yelled. "Take a look at yourself." He kicked me again and this time I let out a strangled scream. "What was THAT for?" I cried in anguish.  
  
"That one's for the fact that I despise you!"  
  
"That's enough!"   
  
That didn't come from Vasco, for the voice was stern and female. Suddenly, Dr Bell came into my vision.  
  
"That's enough!" she repeated. "Mr Malfoy, go to my office immediately. Mr Vasconcelos, Miss Zabini, return to your rooms. Mr Potter, come with me."  
  
She picked me up from the ground and provided leaning support as we limped back towards the main building. "Malfoy was the one who hit me!" I whined. "You can't punish me this time! I didn't do anything."  
  
"At the moment my main concern is getting you to a Healer and a Mediwizard," Dr Bell replied. "They look nasty." She tended to my injuries.  
  
"I suppose you'd want to know why they bashed the crap out of me?"  
  
"Don't bother Mr Potter, I heard every word."  
  
"Then why didn't you come in and save me?" I cried.  
  
"You needed people to knock sense into you," Dr Bell replied. "And I think they did a good job."  
  
~**~  
  
Two hours had passed since the incident and I was still in the hospital wing, lying in bed as Madame Gough and Nurse Jones patched me up. I swore that if Malfoy had been more violent, he would have broken something. Fortunately, being the weak man he was, he didn't do any serious damage to me.  
  
The night had been extremely long and extremely difficult. Everything that happened before and since I entered Silverwater had been so arduous that I actually contemplated joining Liv and taking my own life. Thankfully, I was too tired and weary to do anything drastic. Besides, there wasn't a knife in sight. It was Silverwater policy, just like how we weren't allowed to keep our wands.  
  
What the hell was wrong with Regan and Malfoy? Why did Regan have to turn into a monster all of a sudden? I thought that being the subject of Malfoy's callousness for so long would have little effect on me, but the fact that he physically hit me was both puzzling and dreadful. I really was getting a taste of my own medicine – big time.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
I opened my bleary eyes and saw two figures huddled by the side of my bed. I didn't need my glasses to verify who they were. One figure was tall and had bright red hair and another had brown bushy hair. Ron and Hermione.  
  
I shot up in my bed and turned to them. I didn't know what our situation was at the moment but I was so happy to see the two of them in my presence. I then snorted at the irony of them visiting me while I was lying in bed … in a hospital wing, no less. A hospital within a hospital? Now THAT was funny.  
  
I shifted my body around and gazed at them groggily.   
  
"Dr Bell Flooed as soon as she could," said Hermione anxiously. "She told us about what happened. Are you okay?"  
  
I couldn't speak. Despite the fact that I treated them like garbage, Ron and Hermione were there for me every step of the way. They really were great friends. No, they were really great family.  
  
"Harry?" said Ron. "Can you speak?"  
  
I couldn't speak but not because I was muted forever by these injuries, but it was so overcome with gratitude that it overwhelmed me. Suddenly, I wrapped my arms around their necks and embraced them simultaneously.  
  
"I'm sorry," I apologised. Words didn't need to explain anything. Ron and Hermione understood. I really was sorry for everything that ever happened before this. I disentangled myself from the two of them and turned to Ron. "I'm sorry, Ron," I added quietly, "for trying to raise her from the dead. You don't understand how terrible I've been feeling for the past month." The apologies were coming out like The Horn of Plenty.  
  
I expected Ron to contradict what I said and use those words against me and I hoped against hope that he didn't. I was already beaten around as it was and I didn't want him to rub salt into my wounds. Thankfully, Ron smiled slightly and gave me a manly embrace. "Apology accepted," he said. "And I mean it. You've been through enough."  
  
Ron and Hermione stayed with me while I poured my heart out to them. I told them all about Liv and our little dispute before her death. I was willing to bet that Hermione wanted to reprimand me for being tactless, but given the current situation she decided that doing so wasn't wise. Besides, I saw Ron give her a reproachful look. I told them all about the guilt I'd harboured ever since the night I tried to exhume her grave. They knew about Azarusley so they didn't need a long winded explanation.  
  
I then told them everything that popped into my head. I told them about Regan. Ron looked as though he wasn't happy with my sleeping with her but he said nothing. I told them about how I was rude to Dr Bell and they listened. They nodded, shook their heads and gasped in all the right places but they listened very intently. I then realised that I didn't need a psychiatrist to release tension. Ron and Hermione were there all along.  
  
"I'm glad you were able to open up to us," said Ron. "Now, if you don't mind, I have to find Malfoy."  
  
"Why?" Hermione asked him.  
  
"I'm going to bash the crap out of him."  
  
"Ron, don't!"  
  
It wasn't Hermione that said this, it was me. "Don't touch him, Ron," I warned him. "We've all had our fair share of fights. You can't wash away blood with more blood[1]. Please, don't."  
  


* * *

Please review  
This is the second last chapter  
Next Chapter: Letting Go  
  
[1] The Hogwarts Memoir Book 


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Letting Go

Chapter Sixteen – Letting Go  
  
And now my story ends. Through my experience at Silverwater, I am now older, wiser and happier than before. Well, as happy as I could be anyway.  
  
Vasco was discharged from Silverwater two days after the huge fight. All the patients in every ward in Silverwater knew about our little spat as soon as the next morning, in which I confessed to them that I had dwelled in dark magic and tried to raise Ginny from the dead.  
  
Fortunately, I had smoothed things over with everyone who was involved in the ordeal. Regan and I were back on speaking terms within three days. We still had 'morning after' jitters but other than that we were fine. The thing was, our 'morning after awkwardness' came a little too late. Even Malfoy and I were able to tolerate each other. We didn't become the best of friends straight away but we were able to carry out a small conversation without burying each other alive.  
  
I had to admit, when Vasco was being discharged finally, I couldn't help but feel extremely depressed. He had gone through this tumultuous journey with me and was supportive all the way. In fact, his parting message was memorable to me.  
  
"Take care, Harry," he said as he gave me a rib-cracking hug. "Remember what I said to you before, when you get out of this place I'll be there to look out for you."  
  
"Thanks Vasco," I said as I clapped him on the back.   
  
"And I intend to start looking out for you, you know," he grinned. He laughed slightly and dug into his pocket and fished out a condom. A condom?  
  
"Here," he said as he placed it in my hand. "You're a big boy now so I thought you'd need this."  
  
I chuckled quietly and gave Vasco another hug. "I'll miss you," I said as my eyes misted over. So I was acting like a woman, big deal.  
  
"Likewise, Pal," Vasco replied. "Likewise."  
  
I threw the condom away shortly afterwards, figuring that I didn't need it. I had every intention to stay celibate until my wedding night. I owed it to Ginny, for it was our promise to each other. However, I didn't keep my oath but that was a totally different story. Later on I fished it out of the bin and gave it to Regan as an inside joke. She was a'whore' after all.  
  
Finally, it was my turn to leave Silverwater. By then a new stream of patients were admitted into the Joseph Heller Ward. Debbie Morgan was a seventh year Ravenclaw who liked to bop up and down on her seat singing, "Badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom[1] …" There was also Cho Chang's cousin Hitomi. I didn't know what was wrong with her exactly but I noticed that whenever she walked passed the Common Room she had to have a sheet of cardboard cover her face for she was terrified of our new Muggle television set. [2]   
  
Throughout the rest of my stay in Silverwater up until my discharge date I told Dr Bell all there was to know about me. I felt that it was about time I did this. If I were to stay a reclusive alien I would never have a life. I told her about my life with the Dursleys, my re-introduction into the wizard world, the Philosopher's Stone, the Chamber of Secrets, Sirius and Wormtail, The Triwizard Tournament, the fiasco at the Department of Mysteries … everything. As I did this, I felt much better.  
  
Ron and Hermione were expected to pick me up the day I was discharged but that was after I was to have my final one-to-one session with Dr Bell and I was eager to participate. It was the last session after all.   
  
"How are you, Mr Potter?" she asked.   
  
"Alright," I replied nochalantly. "I couldn't be any better."  
  
"You should be ecstatic," she said as she gave me a heart-warming smile. "You're going to be discharged today."  
  
In contrary to her expectations, I did not jump for joy. I merely sighed and glanced at the floor. "I will miss this place," I said.  
  
Dr Bell raised his eyebrows at me in disbelief. "Really?" she asked sceptically.   
  
"Yeah," I replied.  
  
"Well, without further ado, let's start shall we?" she cleared her throat audibly and began; "You've been here for a period of two months now …"  
  
"And …"  
  
"I've learnt so much about you that I could write a novel ... or seven."  
  
"Do you really think so?" I asked.  
  
"Yes," she replied. "So I felt that there was nothing left to do but give you this." She rummaged around her drawer and pulled out a single ball-point pen.  
  
"What's that for?" I asked.  
  
"It's an authorised Portkey," Dr Bell replied. "I'm taking you to a place where you refused to visit for two months. It will activate in ten seconds. Quick, take it."  
  
I latched onto the Portkey and ten seconds later I felt the familiar pull of the navel. In an instant I was transported out of Silverwater.  
  
I fell to the ground with one bug thud. Feeling nauseated and worn out, I scanned my surroundings and soon realised that I was taken to the graveyard in Ottery St, Catchpole – Ginny's grave.  
  
Anger licked my insides but I managed to control them this time. Dr Bell was just doing her job and this was one way of curing me. It took me a long time to learn that she was just doing her job all along.  
  
"Miss Hunter was also buried here," Dr Bell informed me.  
  
My face contorted in puzzlement. "I thought she lived somewhere else."  
  
"She did," Dr Bell replied, "but she was born here and her mother wanted her to be buried here."  
  
That was another thing that Ginny and Liv shared in common other than looks. The thought sent a shiver down my spine.  
  
We weren't transported to Ginny's grave directly. Rather we were taken by the Portkey to the outskirts. The sight of all the tombstones lined up together was eerie and I thanked the lords that Dr Bell decided to take me there during the day time. The grass was so green against the sun that it provided me with a relaxing atmosphere. It seemed like a peaceful place to finally rest in peace.  
  
"I don't want you to see Miss Hunter's grave yet," said Dr Bell, "I don't think you're ready for that. Instead, I want you to visit another. I think you're going to have to see it."  
  
Dr Bell wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led me to Ginny's grave. My insides flew around violently like they were in a blender. My hands became clammy and I began to sweat profusely … I was really nervous.  
  
"I'm not expecting you to do much," said Dr Bell, "but I DO want you to see it now, go before you change your mind. I'll be waiting by the tree over there."  
  
Dr Bell and I parted ways as she trekked over to the big shady tree in the distance and watched me. I inhaled deeply and edged towards the source of my worse nightmares.  
  
I towered over it and examined it very carefully. The tombstone was rather vulgar, for the Weasleys were a simple family that didn't have a lot of money. I thought the tombstone rather suited her personality rather effectively: it was a symbol of her innocence as a young girl as well as her pristine beauty.  
  
On the tombstone it read: "Here lies Ginnifer 'Ginny' Weasley, born into eternal life upon death." Following this was her date of birth and by her date of death: "21st January 1981-29th August 1998".  
  
Running lengthwise along the grave was a long crack, made by me by means of Azarusley. At the time I went through anything just to bring Ginny back to life. I didn't take into consideration the fact that a Ginny Weasley raised from the dead would be zombie-like and cursed. Now that I thought about it, I was glad it failed.  
  
Words could not explain how sorry I was to both Liv and Ginny and I hoped that they could forgive me. I sat myself down on Ginny's grave and ran my hand through the grass. I let the tears fall as I thought about what I had put the two of them through. Dr Bell was right, I couldn't visit Liv's grave but I promised myself that I would one day, when I was ready.  
  
I wanted to give Ginny a long-winded speech but I was afraid that I would be there until the cows came home, so instead I patted her tombstone and said, "I'm sorry – terribly sorry. Rest in peace Ginny. Always remember that I'll always love you."  
  
Suddenly when I got up and walked slowly towards Dr Bell, I felt a cool, balmy breeze blow against my face and I could have sworn that I felt somebody kiss my cheek. I immediately froze on the spot and rose a trembling had to my cheek.   
  
"Is anything the matter, Mr Potter?" asked Dr Bell.  
  
Thinking that she would have declared me insane once again and postpone my date of discharge, I did not tell her. "Nothing," I said indifferently. "We should go." That was a secret that I intended to take to my own grave and as Dr Bell and I waited for the Portkey to reactivate, I silently thanked Ginny for the kiss. In the magical world, anything was possible, even raising the dead, so I had no doubt that it was her.  
  
As soon as we returned to Dr Bell's office, I sat in the recliner while Dr Bell resumed her position in her usual chair. "Congratulations Harry Potter," she said abruptly. "As soon as Mr Weasley and Miss Granger and maybe Mr Lupin sign the release papers, you are officially a free man."  
  
"Really?" I asked. "You're not going to pull some strings or something, which would mean that I'm here for one more month?"  
  
"No," Dr Bell replied. "Now, if you excuse me I must attend to Mr Nagy's needs. Apparently the poor boy won't step out of his room now … he said something about micro-organisms."  
  
Dr Bell and I chuckled haughtily together. She gave me another heart-warming smile before she rose from her seat. "Shut the door on your way out, please. And Mr Weasley and Miss Granger are waiting for you in the main foyer."  
  
Her eyes glistened as tears welled in them only slightly, "I will miss you Mr Potter, and I give my best to you. Feel free to drop around for a visit if you want to."  
  
"I'll do that," I replied. "But can I ask you one question?"  
  
Dr Bell cocked her head to one side and listened intently.   
  
"Why don't you get that fixed?" I pointed at the hole in the wall that I made with Malfoy's fat head.  
  
Dr Bell merely laughed at me like I was an innocent and naïve three-year-old kid. "I wanted a memento of the most intriguing patient that's ever set foot inside Silverwater." She smiled at me once more and left.  
  
Before I stepped outside her office, I managed to find a little piece of parchment poking out of a Muggle manila folder so I took it out. It was a record of all the current and former patients in the Joseph Heller Ward. I skimmed through the names of all those I recognised. I noticed that it said that Vasco was a self-mutilator; Regan was here for intense anger-management therapy; Jai was an extreme germ-phobic, Amelie was obsessive compulsive; that Liv was bipolar and I was here for intense nervous breakdown recovery. However, I noticed that next to Malfoy's name it read 'Compulsive Liar'. I couldn't believe it.  
  
"In a way, I'm glad you're leaving," said a voice.  
  
I turned around and stared at Malfoy, who was leaning casually up against the doorframe.  
  
"Why?" I asked in a low voice.  
  
"Because now with Vasconcelos gone too," he replied, "I get to move into your room. Now I can get away from the freak that's supposed to be my roommate." His malevolently grey eyes travelled over to the piece of paper I was reading. "You've discovered my little secret, I see."  
  
"And so I have," I added smugly. "So you didn't really bash your father to death then?"  
  
"No," Malfoy replied. "He's back in Azkaban."  
  
I looked at him sceptically. "Should I believe you?" I asked.  
  
"It's your choice," said Malfoy as he stepped out of the room. "But what is the truth? Some crazed Muggle said that 'the truth is never pure and rarely simple'."   
  
Goodness me, Malfoy WAS loony. He, a notorious Muggle-hater was quoting from Oscar Wilde.  
  
"Until next time Potter," he said as he gave me a two fingered salute. Seconds later he was gone. I didn't know when I was to see him again but I had a feeling it would be soon.  
  
Anxious to meet Ron and Hermione again, I raced to my room, picked up my suitcase and headed towards the main foyer before I was stopped.  
  
"Mr Potter."  
  
I turned around and saw a nurse rush to me, armed with a long wooden stick that was all too familiar to me.  
  
"Dr Bell almost forgot to give you this," she said as she placed it in my hand. "You don't want to step out into the real world again without this, don't you?"  
  
"Thanks," I said gratefully as I pocketed it. "Well, goodbye then."  
  
"Goodbye Mr Potter."   
  
"Harry!"  
  
I craned my neck to my right and saw Regan Zabini walk hurriedly towards me. I hoped and prayed that she wouldn't tell me she was pregnant. I had already said my farewells to her before, what could she want?  
  
"I had to see you one more time," she declared. She patted my back like Vasco would have done. "Take care Harry," she said.  
  
"You too," I said. Echoing Vasco's words I added, "When you get out into the big bad world again, I'll look out for you."  
  
"Thanks Harry," said Regan, flashing me a smile. "Stay the nice boy you are."  
  
"It's no wonder you're taking too long!" called a familiar male voice. "I see you're popular with the ladies here. Makes me wonder why you wanted to leave Silverwater in the first place."  
  
Ron and Hermione came into the hallway from the main foyer and marched over to the two of us as Regan broke away and cast her eyes to the floor.  
  
"Harry!" Hermione cried. She walked towards me, wrap an arm around my waist and planted a kiss on my cheek. "Uh, I would kiss you but I don't want you to think I'm queer," said Ron. Hermione and I merely laughed in response. Typical Ron. "Who are you?" Ron asked Regan.  
  
"Uh … Regan Zabini," Regan replied sheepishly. She turned shy all of a sudden. "I give my condolences to you in regards to Ginny's death."  
  
"Thankyou," Ron eyed Regan suspiciously, "Why do you sound familiar?" he asked.  
  
"We – er -," I stammered.   
  
"I'm Hermione Granger," Hermione interjected. She stepped forward and stuck out her hand for it to be shaken. "And this is Ron Weasley. We're Harry's friends."  
  
"Harry speaks of you a lot," Regan said to Hermione and it was true. During my first few weeks here they were all I ever spoke about. "He speaks very highly of you."  
  
"I know why you sound familiar!" Ron cried. "You're the one that deflowered Harry!"  
  
Thankfully, Ron took this all light-heartedly and shook Regan's hand enthusiastically. "I congratulate you," he laughed. "Harry's always been a bit of a prude-."  
  
"Hey!" I cried. "That's not true." Well, it was true but I wasn't going to tell him that.  
  
A look of relief washed over Regan's face. "Yeah, well … it wasn't that hard."   
  
"Anyway," said Hermione, "we better get going. Harry, Lupin and the others are waiting for us at The Burrow. We're throwing a party for you. They're all excited to see you at last!"  
  
"I'm looking forward to it," I said and I meant it from the bottom of my heart. "Will I get to meet this Ross of yours?"  
  
"No," said Ron. "Because he's a git."  
  
Hermione laughed and locked her arm with mine. "We broke it off three days ago," she said.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"It's okay," Hermione replied. "He was cheating on me, but I'm not upset. We didn't have much to begin with anyway."  
  
"Because he's a prick," Ron added.   
  
"Ron!" said Hermione reproachfully. "Just because we broke if off doesn't mean you can slag him for all it was worth!"  
  
"I'm just voicing my-."  
  
Their argument was broken off by my laughing. Ron and Hermione stopped and glanced at me.   
  
"What's the deal?" Ron asked.   
  
"It's alright," I said through gales of laughter. "You guys do not know how much I missed that."  
  
Ron and Hermione looked at each other bewilderedly before they shrugged simultaneously.  
  
"Let's get you out of here," said Ron as he picked up my suitcase. He turned to Regan and smiled jovially. "It was a pleasure to meet the girl that finally screwed-."  
  
"That's enough!" I said hotly as I pushed both Ron and Hermione out of the door. "Until next time Regan!"  
  
"Yeah," I heard Regan reply. "Until next time."   
  
Suddenly, Dr Bell walked into the hallway from the main foyer. She was being followed by a grim looking man as well as a young girl with waist-length dirty blonde hair and protuberant eyes. She looked as though she drifted in there by accident. She looked indifferent to the situation, like she didn't care that she was going to be admitted a mental institution – wait, correctional facility asylum, or whatever it was.  
  
"Luna Lovegood," said Ron. "Well, it's about time. I always thought she was a little … well, loony."  
  
The three of us watched as Dr Bell told Luna and the man (presumably her father) that she was going to be sharing a room with Amelie Vega. I didn't know what to think. I felt genuinely sorry for Luna but at the same time I knew that this was for her own good. Besides, she didn't seem to want to protest. Why was she here for in the first place? I was anxious to know but I was also anxious to leave.  
  
"Harry," Hermione piped up out of the blue. "May I ask you a question?"  
  
"You may," I replied.  
  
"If you were to look into the Mirror of Erised, what would you see?"   
  
"You know, Dr Bell asked me that same question a couple of weeks ago," I told her.  
  
"Really?" Hermione asked "Well, what would you see?"   
  
I thought back to what had happened in the past few months and how it changed my life. Throughout my life since I was eleven I had developed a disciplined heart through encounters with distress and misfortune and it had changed me forever. Also, I realised how lucky I really was. Despite the issue with Voldmort, the untimely deaths, I still had friends in Ron, Hermione, the whole Weasley family and many others and most of all I had the will to live. So I was confident in my answer when I said:  
  
"I would merely see my reflection."  
  
THE END  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE:  
  
So how was that for a first go? It took a year to get out of my system although lengthwise it doesn't seem like it. I hope you guys liked it and please, feel free to leave a review.  
  
If you guys are interested, I'm working on a sequel (or companion piece, depending on how you would look at it) called The Plague of the Moonflowers. I'm in the process of writing the first chapter and it will be radically different to Silverwater. For instance, it would be a little bit more fantasy and mystery than just pure angst, which is a refreshing change. I don't know when Plague, will be posted up here. I'm about to start Uni soon. It's set nine years after Silverwater and centres around Harry (well, duh!) as well as the whole concept of Azarusley.  
  
I just wanted to say that the names of the mental institutions; Silverwater and Burwood are actually suburbs in Sydney, Australia. I'm not saying that the people who live there are mental. They just sounded like cool names.  
  
If you're wondering why Voldemort wasn't carted off to Burwood or Silverwater himself ... well, would you try to convince the most powerful dark wizard ever that he needed to spend time in a mental asylum? We'd all be dead, don't you think? I think he's a special case.  
  
I just thought I'd share this with you: I went house hunting today and I found a house with a cupboard under the stairs. I mean I KNOW they existed but I had never seen one until today. I was so excited over something small. I actually went inside the cupboard, shut the door and said, "Well, it ain't THAT small." I was just so excited! If we do move into that house I have claims on the cupboard under the stairs! That will be my bedroom. If you're reviewing, let me know your thoughts on this as well as your thoughts on the story.  
  
Now, REVIEW! Oh, and thanks to my reviewers and people who have read this so far. I didn't care if I was writing this for nobody, but thanks a lot. A whole lot. If you have been reading but haven't reviewed, please do so.  
  
And this is Zmedlebum signing off for now.  
  
[1] badgerbadgerbadger.com  
  
[2[ The Ring 2 


	17. The Trailer

NOTE: My friend did this for one of her fics at livejournal so I decided to copy her. This is a 'trailer' for Silverwater, the same thing you'd see for movies. Bold print is the voice over, italics is the dialogue. Text in brackets are the camera prompts.  
  
HARRY is sitting in a white room, looking down on his hands. A disembodied voice says, _"Harry, are you ready to begin?"_ HARRY is silent, before saying, _"Yeah, whatever." _DISEMBODIED VOICE then says, _"You know if you continue to act like this you're only making things difficult for yourself."_  
  
_HARRY: "Do you really think I care?"  
__VOICE: "Do you really want to be here all day?" HARRY: "I shouldn't be here."_  
  
Camera turns to Dr. Bell  
  
_DR BELL: "What, here right now?" HARRY: "In Silverwater."_  
  
Dramatic orchestral music in background. A montage of shots continue in quick succession. The transitions are in blur motion mode  
  
GINNY with her arms around HARRY in the Gryffindor Common Room as she plants a kiss on top of his head.  
  
HARRY storming out of group therapy after throwing TOILET PAPER on the ground.  
  
HARRY yelling at REGAN in Silverater Gardens.  
  
HARRY glaring at MALFOY as he sneers at his old school foe.  
  
HARRY running after a crying LIV, calling out her name.  
  
HARRY and LIV under the tree talking. LIV pats him on the arm.  
  
HARRY growling at RON as HERMIONE holds him back.  
  
The music crescendos as the score is being dominated by kettle drums. It reaches its climax as HARRY slams MALFOY'S head through a wall. Music stops.  
  
HARRY: through tears "I'm in the shit now, aren't I?"  
  
Music begins again  
  
**His seventh year at Hogwarts was an absolute nightmare**  
  
_HARRY: (to Dr Bell) "You want me to talk about my life? Voldemort wanted my head on a silver platter and now he's dead and I'm here! Is that good enough for you?  
  
DR BELL: "You know just as well as I do that there is more to it than that!" HARRY: "Well, what do you know anyway?"_  
  
**But he couldn't have done it all without the help of his friends**  
  
HARRY smiling with HERMIONE  
  
HARRY and VASCO laughing together as VASCO bounces a quaffle off HARRY'S head.  
  
HARRY hugging RON and HERMIONE and buries his face into HERMIONE'S hair.  
  
HARRY kissing GINNY  
  
**But on top of all his troubles, the unthinkable happened.**  
  
Music stops. Camera zooms in on Ron's face as he approaches Harry.  
  
_RON: "She's gone, Harry. She died last night."_  
  
HERMIONE hugs HARRY  
  
next shot  
  
HARRY collapses to the ground screaming in anguish.  
  
**And what he did next brought him to this place.**  
  
Camera pans from Convent Gardens to a SIGN that says "Silverwater Correctional Facility for Witches and Wizards". Celestial music plays in the background.  
  
next shot  
  
_HARRY: "A mental institution ..."_  
  
next shot  
  
_REGAN: "Well, it's about time."_  
  
Music begins again  
  
**He must come to terms with his grief**  
  
camera montage  
  
HARRY laughing with REGAN at breakfast.  
  
HARRY glaring at VASCO who grins goofily  
  
_DR BELL: "You didn't grieve properly when Ginny died, that's why the wounds are being opened again."_  
  
**And then she came along**  
  
_LIV: "Hi, I'm Liv." HARRY: "Nice to meet you Liv."_  
  
next shot. HARRY and VASCO in the corridors  
  
_VASCO:_ "Harry, she looks like-." HARRY: "Ginny, yeah I know."  
  
**Little did he know that Silverwater is much more chaotic than the world he had left behind.**  
  
REGAN slaps HARRY  
  
MALFOY grabs HARRY and slams him up against the brick wall.  
  
_NARCISSA: "Very well Draco, I'll send you an owl." DRACO: "I"ll bite it's head off!"_  
  
**And his journey to self discovery was a long and painful one**  
  
_LIV: "I think I'm in love with you." HARRY: "How can you be in love with me? You don't even know me!" LIV: "I need to know if you feel the same way. HARRY: "I find it impossible to love you. EVery time I look at your face - _  
  
The camera fades into the next shot showing HARRY and REGAN halfway through a midnight bedroom romp  
  
_- "I see my dead girlfriend."_  
  
music fades  
  
_HARRY: whispering seductively into REGAN'S ear "I don't care anymore. Do you?"_  
  
**Daniel Radcliffe ...**  
  
_HARRY: "All these deaths - Sirius, my parents, Cedric - they were all because of me. I think somebody up there is punishing me by taking Ginny away from me." REGAN: "Get a GRIP you GIT!"_  
  
**And Bonnie Wright playing two roles ...**  
  
_GINNY: on deathbed "Mum, it hurts so much."_  
  
MOLLY sobs as BILL places WHITE SHEETS over GINNY's lifeless face.  
  
_LIV: "My parents didn't know what to do with me, so they put me here."_  
  
**VO: In ...  
  
**music ends with sustained strings and crashing cymbals. The words SILVERWATER appear  
  
**Silverwater ...  
  
**_DR BELL: "If you were to look into the Mirror of Erised Harry, what would you see?"_  
  
fade to black


End file.
